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Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Confessions Pt 3

I am sleepy and grumpy, sitting in my bedroom, waiting. I think of going out and doing something with myself, but before I can really entertain the thought, I have company.

"Hello darling. I have missed you so much, how have you been?"

I can't help but smile, I truly am happy to see Mark. He is one of the few men that has actually found a place in my heart. I feel unusually close to him, and though I know I should work that much harder to push him away and make this less personal, I can't. Every time that we are together, I feel closer to him. This both upsets me and confuses me, but I am too happy to worry about that for now.

"Well hello, sweetheart! Tell me how you have been, I have missed you!"

This is a common line that I use, but I really have missed this one.

"I am good, babe, thanks for asking. I have been thinking about you all day, I had to see you. I miss you so much it hurts me."

I feel a guilty twinge at those words. Mark is falling in love with me. He writes me beautiful poems and gorgeous love letters. He pours his heart out to me, and too often I find myself wishing that things were different, that I could just run off and be with him, living happily ever after. I have to remind myself that he has fallen in love with me as my character, not as my true self.

"Awww! Baby, I have missed you so much too, you don't know how happy I am to see you today."

I hold him close to me and tenderly kiss his lips, as he happily tells me about his day. I listen intently to his every word, as he stares lovingly into my eyes and gently strokes my hair. Every touch, every breath from Mark makes me feel special and loved. He makes me feel like a princess.

When we make love, it is magical. He covers me in kisses and holds me tightly to him, every thrust is met with a tangled hug and more gentle kisses. He tells me how beautiful I am, how much he loves me. It is hot and passionate, and it is all very wrong.

He holds me in his lap and sings love songs to me. He happily caters to my every want and need, just the act of taking care of me bringing him deep contentment. I allow myself to get lost in the moment, and to love him back for the short time we have together before he has to leave. He has had a long day, and although I know he would stay if I only asked, I let him go so he can rest.

"I don't want to leave you, darling. Tell me to stay."

I bite my tongue before gently kissing him goodbye.

I lie on the bed and think about how devastated Mark would be if he only knew.


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