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Thursday, December 23, 2004

Common Courtesy

How often do men have sex without climaxing? I'd guess hardly ever if ever at all.

I don't always orgasm when we have sex, and that doesn't bother me. Sometimes I just want to fuck for the sake of fucking. It feels good and thats the sensation I wanted, whether or not it has an orgasmic ending.

But sometimes, you really expect to finish big. You want to drift to sleep in a euphoric induced coma. These times are almost undoubtedly when your lover rolls over and starts snoring before you can whisper, "please".

This annoys me to no end.

Sex should not be over until it is agreed that both parties are mutually satisfied. "No honey, I don't need to come tonight, but thank you for offering." Or, "One quick little orgasm will tide me over, thank you so much."

Just saying.


At Thursday, December 23, 2004 8:51:00 AM, Blogger & said...

Por Bresito! (Got it right this time...boy's a fast learner...LOL). Personally, I get off on a woman getting off. There are times when A has to raise the flag and say...no...I got what I needed. My point? I guess I don't have one really. Just sayin' is all. God, I'm starting to sound like I come from the show me state! LOL!

And you're right...for us...men...gotta have the climax!

At Thursday, December 23, 2004 9:45:00 AM, Blogger Em said...

Uh oh! Rough night last night? Sorry!

At Thursday, December 23, 2004 9:50:00 AM, Blogger Carl from L.A. said...

I always let my wife come at least once before I come. I never got any complaints.

At Thursday, December 23, 2004 11:30:00 AM, Blogger Carrie said...

On the flip side.. I think my hubby faked it the other night. I could be wrong, but certain signs that say "Yes it happened", just weren't present.

At Thursday, December 23, 2004 11:41:00 AM, Blogger screwedupdad said...

I agree completely with what you're saying. It should bother you. I make sure Rita gets off at least once per session unless, like you said, she doesn't want to. But that's not why I'm commenting. I'm commenting to let you know that not all men are wired the same. I actually climax less than half the time when we have sex. Probably more like a third of the time. It's not that I'm not trying. It's just difficult for me to get there. When I see how easy it is for most women to have an orgasm, given just a little time and effort, it makes me a little envious.

At Thursday, December 23, 2004 11:50:00 AM, Blogger Celtic Frog said...

Ugh. That hasn't happened to me in almost a month, but it happens with more regularity than I like.

Although instead of rolling over and going to sleep, he usually gets up to play on the computer.

At Thursday, December 23, 2004 12:46:00 PM, Blogger Jay said...

I must admit that Kitti doesn't always orgasm. Sometimes the moment is just lost and not retrieved. Also at issue is our rote pattern, not yet broken of kiss-lick-suck-#uck that was partly a product of using nasty tasting spermicidal condoms.

We just talked the other night about how we still have a lot to learn about our joint sexuality. I would definitely like to be able to help her orgasm separately from our normal pattern, even as a solo act where she just gets to enjoy receiving without any pressure to give.


At Thursday, December 23, 2004 12:51:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow I guess I'm the lcuky one of the bunch. I have expressed some frustration in my blog about our lack of birth control and the fact that we seem so in tune that our bodies try to climax together. This means he's usually pushing me off of him right as I'm about to pique (after all a lost orgasm is preferable to an unplanned #4 on the way) and he finishes the job with his hand. Naturally that leaves me quite frustrated, because I've lost the sensations, and finishing with my hand seems... mediocre. Recently however... Hubby has shown outstanding staying power, and amazing self control. The other night I achieved 6 orgasms. 6! The most I've ever accomplished in my life. His score? 0. That's right. After number 6 I asked him if he needed anything, and with a smug "I'm the man!" grin, he asked just to cuddle. *Sigh* Why can't life be like that all of the time?

At Thursday, December 23, 2004 1:41:00 PM, Blogger Ed said...

Well, I usually like to make sure that my wife has a number of orgasms before starting penetration, and that usually ensures that she orgasms profusely during penetration.

Even so, sometimes she needs a little 'finishing off' afterwards - usually I will sense that she does and will offer to do the necessary. Otherwise she only has to ask and I'm happy to oblige. Sometimes (by mutual agreement) she finishes herself off, which is good to watch. On the rare occasions when she doesn't orgasm during penetration I will definitely offer to finish her off.

Another point - I don't always slide out straightaway when I've come. Very often I will stay in there for a while and sometimes she will come then. In the same way that Mellors did for Connie in Lady Chatterly's Lover (which is what gave me the idea in the first place).

Personally I don't always come necessarily. Usually, but not always. It's not a problem for me either way. Often if I don't ejaculate I will have mini-orgasms (or 'dry' orgasms as Jay calls them) which can be very pleasurable and probably the nearest I am going to get to multiple orgasms.

Sometimes we will have sex two or three times in a day - the first once or twice I won't come but will on the second or third.

But for me the secret of great sex is to ensure that my wife has as many (and as powerful) orgasms as possible. If we have sex and I come and she doesn't it is not nearly so pleasurable as when she is having orgasm after orgasm.

But I entirely agree with you that it shouldn't be over until both of you are satisfied.

And Carrie, I wouldn't be surprised if your husband faked it. The first time it happened to me when I was in my late thirties I faked it too - you don't like to admit to your wife that you didn't come. It took me a little while to admit that there were occasions when I didn't. But now it's no problem.

And the advantage of being in my mid forties and taking longer to come (or not at all) is that I can go for longer and harder than I could when I was younger. So I would say that our sex is definitely better now than it was 10 years ago (or 20 years ago).

Having said all that, for some strange reason I seem to be coming much easier lately than I have for a long time. We've had sex for 6 days consecutively now and I've not had a problem coming once. No idea why that is.

Er... sorry for the long comment, GW - this is a subject close to my heart. :)

At Thursday, December 23, 2004 1:48:00 PM, Blogger thestang said...

WHile my wife comes nowhere near matching my libido, things have gotten better once I realized that her not coming wasn't a sign that she wasn't enjoying herself.

At Thursday, December 23, 2004 6:22:00 PM, Blogger Kevin said...

Having been in the same position myself (and I'm male, surprisingly), it's a question of whether or not the other party currently cares.

I always care, and try my best to make my partner orgasm. Unfortunately, the first girl I was with suggested I go to the bathroom when I wasn't done after she was (which took about three minutes of sex).

So, yeah. It's not just a girl thing.

At Thursday, December 23, 2004 9:22:00 PM, Blogger Libby said...

heh. I'll actually be having a little "come to jesus meeting" with the boy about that when I get back from the holidays. Ever since we hit the one year mark, I've been getting the kiss and cuddle move a bit too often...When did this become acceptable behavior?

At Friday, December 24, 2004 12:40:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to admit that it was a bit unnerving the first time my wife and I made love and I couldn't climax. And yes, I faked it. :-)

Now that I'm in my mid-50's, I have come to accept that, just as she didn't always HAVE to have a giant orgasm, I don't either. We usually do, it's true; but about 10% of the time, there just isn't one. And that's OK.

At Friday, December 24, 2004 3:12:00 AM, Blogger Rich said...


AHEM...speaking of common courtesy....
when are you gonna fill us in on the disposition of that check!?!

I'm just sayin'....;)

At Saturday, December 25, 2004 7:04:00 AM, Blogger Algor Langeaux said...

"Making sex is like a Chinese dinner: It ain't over 'til you both get your cookies"

--Alec Baldwin as "Old Man Dunphy" from "Outside Providence"

...words of advice that every father should give...

At Wednesday, December 29, 2004 12:16:00 PM, Blogger ~J~ said...

GW, I completely agree. Years ago, I put my foot down and said, 'If I don't, you don't'. All it took was proper motivation!!
Now it is at the point where it isn't as important, and I don't always care if I orgasm or not.
Course, I usually do, what with his training and all... :-)


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