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Monday, August 23, 2004

Edumacation from Denise

Ahhh, Denise. A lovely, dear, if not ridiculously innocent, friend of mine for over fifteen years. One would think that perhaps just a bit of me would have rubbed off on her by now, but alas, she amazes me with her sexual callowness regularly.

A conversation from this weekend:

Denise: Have you ever heard of Howard Stern? Hes some sort of radio host guy...

Me: I think I may have heard of him. Why do you ask? (trying not to laugh and terribly curious at whats to come next)

Denise: Well.......(loooong drawn out pause followed by a deep breath) Dave was flipping channels the other day, and hes got this tv show of his radio broadcast. Anyway, he was asking this girl if....*whispering* if she shaved completely.

Me: Yeah.....?

Denise: Well he didn't mean her legs and pits.

Me: (trying not to laugh)

Denise: Dave said that he meant he was asking if she shaved *whispering* her entire bikini area, if you know what I mean.

Me: Thats kind of a personal question, huh?

Denise: Have you ever heard of such a thing?! Oh my God! I almost fainted when Dave told me that. I think he might have just made that up.

Me: Its pretty common, sweetie.

Denise: (speechless)

Me: Hello?

Denise: I can't believe people would do that! Why do you know about it? Thats perverted! Eww! I don't even want to think about it. Sounds like something pedophiles would do. Yuck. I couldn't believe it when he told me that.

Me: (deciding not to ever divulge to her that I've been bare for years) I guess some people just like to do that. I don't think its perverted. Just personal preference.

Denise: Thats how people get diseases!

Me: What?!

Denise: You just shouldn't do that.

Me: Shaving has nothing to do with diseases.

Denise: Lets change the subject. I feel nauseas just thinking about it.

Me: (rolling eyes)

Fifteen years of this. I deserve a medal.

11 Comments:

At Monday, August 23, 2004 10:20:00 AM, Blogger SemperSexualis said...

That is extremely funny.

 
At Monday, August 23, 2004 10:28:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

actually, i believe the word is sad. for some reason it amazes me when people think the way of your friend - in this day and age. it truly does not make me laugh at all. she is ignorant and that is very sad.
maybe you should send her some literature containing facts of std's and also a book of naked natural and shaved women in all their glory (photos done tastfully).

 
At Monday, August 23, 2004 10:36:00 AM, Blogger Beth said...

oh my god, part of me found that really funny and the other part thinks that's terribly sad. wow. according to her, i should should be disease ridden!!! lol, just trying to understand where she could've gotten an idea like that at. of course, i've heard some weird myths before and i'm not surprised. ::: shakes her head :::

 
At Monday, August 23, 2004 10:39:00 AM, Blogger Chuck said...

OMG, next time you should let her know that there are men out there that shave that area too, or at their, uh....scrotum! That would probably give her a heart attach! LOL

 
At Monday, August 23, 2004 10:46:00 AM, Blogger Alex said...

Just wanted to say the bushes are beautiful, too!

 
At Monday, August 23, 2004 1:31:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should have told her about your bare beaver. Not to give her a heart attack, but to help her understand that its not an unusual or freakish thing to do. Its kind of hypocritical to make fun of your friend's innocence (and why are you her friend if you think you deserve a metal for hanging out with her?) when you're not doing everything within your power to broaden her horizons. You're doing both of you a disservice by being less-than-honest.

 
At Monday, August 23, 2004 2:08:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

...

 
At Monday, August 23, 2004 4:27:00 PM, Blogger Phin Samuels said...

That woman is in the Dark Ages. Is this the same woman who only wants to have sex with her husband to get pregnant? I feel for the guy.

 
At Monday, August 23, 2004 4:55:00 PM, Blogger d.x. said...

Innocence is a beautiful thing.

 
At Monday, August 23, 2004 5:25:00 PM, Blogger Chas said...

Are you sure this girl knows you? I can't imagine what you think to talk about...what do you have in common? Are you sure she's not just a twelve year old that looks like an adult? Seriously though, that's very strange. I'm sure there are a lot of girls out there that aren't into shaving bare, but to have never heard of it and to think it gives you diseases.....reminds me of the movie Mermaids when Winona Ryder's character thinks she's pregnant after kissing a guy.

 
At Monday, August 23, 2004 6:20:00 PM, Blogger Dick said...

That girl is a hoot! It's a shame that some folks don't get out as often as they should. Also, I know why you've been friends with her for that long now. You knew, eventually you'd be writing a blog and, have kept her around for the slow days!
Greatness!

 

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