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Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Dildo For Sale-Gently Used

Over the weekend, we made a few stops to a couple of garage sales as we ran errands. One particular sale will be etched in my memory forever.

It seemed like any other yard sale. Table of outdated clothes, impulse buys still in the boxes they came in, having never been opened. There were excercise gadgets and rusty tools. And a box full of sex toys.

A very large, black dildo was the main attraction in the box, complete with crusty layer of..... It was startling enough that these people had such a box on display, let alone the fact that they would even consider trying to sell USED toys. Add the yellowed film covering the items in the box and you have officially reached the puke factor.

There was also a large tube of lube, half squeezed out with dried gobs clinging to the cap. It was sure to be a steal at only twenty five cents.

There were fuzzy handcuffs, missing most of the fur, dildos in every color and shape imaginable, and even a sprinkling of cock rings that had long hairs tangled in them.

My eyes sought out the host of the garage sale, eager to see the sick deviant that had such a putrid collection on parade. What I saw was a little old lady, sitting in her rocking chair near the porch, sipping tea and smiling as her customers filed up the driveway, oblivious to the horror they would be soon to witness.

As I walked past her, headed back to my car, I could have swore I heard a mechanic buzzing coming from her. A vibrating bullet? Or imagination gone astray? I wonder if the exhibitionist granny sold any of her 'collection' that day...

26 Comments:

At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 1:12:00 PM, Blogger Opaco said...

that is so freakin hilarious and sick at the same time. the things you see at yard sales.

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 1:26:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

that is the funniest damn thing I have read all day - thanks for sharing the story!

-E

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 2:41:00 PM, Blogger FireResQGuru said...

I may never go to a yard sale again!

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 2:54:00 PM, Blogger Feisty Girl said...

Only your blog could make me laugh and gag at the same time. ;)

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 3:05:00 PM, Blogger Beth said...

LOL, that is grossest and funniest thing I've ever read! I would've laughed my ass off and probably did it out loud! Kudos to granny for still getting her freak on!! LMAO

:-)

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 3:18:00 PM, Blogger & said...

Forget about Granny...I want to know about the freak that may have actually bought one of those things.

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 3:45:00 PM, Blogger Patrick H. said...

Simply amazing. Some things just need to be purchased new, and I'd certainly consider sex toys to top the list in that category. It does make you wonder about the bedroom activities of our forebears, though, doesn't it? I love getting to hassle Gracie about her parents having sex, which is a certain sure way to get her goat each and every time. LOL

I've made dildos before for people, two on a dare that I wouldn't. Kinda crude, but amusing, if you want to look. That one is made of wood that is naturally purple. It wasn't my best ever, but was amusing to make, since I took the dare from a friend online and sent her the picture an hour later.

I'll check in often, as has become my habit. I love this blog!

--P--

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 3:45:00 PM, Blogger Mr B said...

oh err, will you ever be able to forget such a sight? Will the image be embossed in your subconcious causing a trip to the shrink in 15 years time as the nurons of your mind rebel against the overwhelming agony of underlying urrrrrggggg.

Was the Granny rocking back and forth with a sly grin on her face?

Was there a sign 'Try before you buy'?

The answers to such questions could lead to Double Jeapody.

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 4:34:00 PM, Blogger Phin Samuels said...

Nothing nastier than a crusty black dildo.

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 5:14:00 PM, Blogger Patrick H. said...

Maybe the reason granny was smiling was that not all of her used toys were for sale. Perhaps she was even currently using one, which had her all smiley-faced. LOL

--P--

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 6:47:00 PM, Blogger Beastie said...

Although it is gross, at least it appears she was an open minded ole lass!

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 6:59:00 PM, Blogger cathy said...

Well, that made me giggle and feel sick at the same time

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 7:16:00 PM, Blogger SN said...

thank god i had already finished my vanilla pudding
because there is NO way i could have after reading that.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
and
giggle

 
At Tuesday, October 05, 2004 8:24:00 PM, Blogger its life jim, but not as we know it said...

eeeeeewwww and lol at the same time!

Does it make you wonder why she was selling them? And what would any little kids looking though the yard sale think they were?

 
At Wednesday, October 06, 2004 6:29:00 AM, Blogger rolandog said...

Ok, what kind of humanly excretion can leave a yellow covering...? WAIT, ... don't answer that...

*Covers ears and frantically yells*

 
At Wednesday, October 06, 2004 2:37:00 PM, Blogger Rich said...

LOL...that is too funny...did you stop to watch and see if granny was watching people as they neared the box??

 
At Monday, October 11, 2004 1:28:00 PM, Blogger Dilbertgolf said...

Must have been MissyMae's garage sale. :)

 
At Tuesday, October 04, 2005 5:04:00 AM, Blogger Quit Smoking said...

Hi, I was looking around some blogger blogs for some ideas to start my own on ebooks and you have given me some great ideas. Good blog. I will check it out every week. Thanks

 
At Wednesday, October 05, 2005 1:31:00 AM, Blogger 122272 said...

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It'll be in a totally different area than yours (mine is about Adult Sex Toys) I know, it sounds strange, but it's like anything, once you learn more about it, it's pretty cool. It's mostly about Adult Sex Toys related articles and subjects.

 
At Friday, October 07, 2005 7:01:00 PM, Blogger Admin said...

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At Monday, October 12, 2009 6:52:00 PM, Blogger mattgreen15 said...

id buy them llol

 
At Thursday, July 29, 2010 9:06:00 PM, Blogger Popanator said...

This erotic post made me so hawnee. It reminds of the time I bought a used Dildo at a garage sale. I put it up my poopie hole and then twirled it around a little bit. I cleaned out my insides all nice and good. Then I pulled it out with all the corn laden poopies stuck to it. It looke like corn on the cob so I ate it!

 
At Thursday, November 18, 2010 7:51:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At Sunday, March 31, 2013 8:05:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yum yummm I would have asked grandma to a company me to the bedroom with her toy box mmmmmmmm

 
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At Wednesday, February 03, 2016 8:51:00 PM, Blogger Ashley said...

If you want big dildos to pleasure yourself then you need to go to PassionateFruits.com I've been pleasuring myself with plenty of their products! ;)

 

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