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Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Stories from the Emergency Clinic

Working in the emergency clinic, we were used to getting frantic phone calls from pet owners, describing terrible accidents in scant details before we told them to rush right over. From car accidents to animal fights and everything inbetween. We saw it all.

It was a slow afternoon, and when the phone rang we were actually looking foward to doing something, wrapping our brains around a crisis and solving the problem. The receptionist answered the phone, and I could hear the frantic voice on the other line desperatly trying to describe what had happened to his dog. I didn't catch all the details, but was filled in as Tammy hung up the phone.

"They've got a young dog who they think may have an exposed hernia or was in some sort of dog fight or car accident that left a hole big and deep enough for intestines to pop out."

This sounded serious, and so everyone prepared for the worst and waited for the dog to arrive.

Ten minutes later, a car pulled up and out came a young couple in their twenties carrying a young Jack Russel. The dog was smiling and looking around as the young man carried him wrapped in a blanket to the door. Uncharacteristicly stoic for a hurt Jack Russel, I thought to myself.

As they hurried in, the girl said that they had just called about the possible hernia or dog fight and so I rushed them into a room to examine the dog.

Upon removing the blanket, I expected a pool of blood, and had gauze to apply pressure where needed. No blood. There was no protruding guts, no sign of injury at all.

Quizzically, I looked at the owners expecting some explanation as the woman sat in the corner and wiped tears from her eyes. "I don't understand," I said, "Where is he hurt? I don't see any sign of injury at all."

The man took a deep gulp and replied, "Its awful, it came out of there," he pointed to the dog's penis. "We don't know if he was hit by a car or what, but it looked like intestines or something falling out."

The little dog wagged his butt as I patted his head and smiled.

"I think what you saw was his penis," I say to them.

"Oh no! You don't understand. This looked like guts."

"Well, they aren't pretty, if thats what you mean," I replied.

They were unconvinced, so the doctor came in to examine the poor dog. After a few minutes, he was able to get the dog's penis to peek out a bit, causing the woman to cry again and the man to look away in disgust, thinking he was looking at some major injury jutting out of his dog.

"What you saw," the doctor explained," was Henry's first erection. He was probably overexcited. He is perfectly fine though."

The man looked again at the protruding blob and made a horrible face at the realization of what he had witnessed. The woman stopped crying and turned a bright shade of red.

"So, Henry is okay?" she asked.

"Henry is perfectly fine," the doctor assured her.

They scooped the dog up in his blanket and made a very calm and quiet exit, relieved that Henry would live to see another day.


At Wednesday, January 26, 2005 7:29:00 AM, Blogger drc said...

They need to take a trip to a farm, they would really freak when a Horse let his "guts" hang out.

At Wednesday, January 26, 2005 8:10:00 AM, Blogger Good Wife said...

lol This couple was so hysterical, it was sad that they had put themselves through so much grief over something so silly. I always wonder if they ever had children, and if so, how often they've been to the emergency room for everything under the sun.

Definetly one of my funnier experiences over the years. :)


At Wednesday, January 26, 2005 9:40:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

BWAH HAHAHAHA!! I nearly choked on my PopTart! Thanks for sharing that HILARIOUS story - they must have been so embarrassed!


At Wednesday, January 26, 2005 12:03:00 PM, Blogger Lazlo930 said...


At Wednesday, January 26, 2005 12:05:00 PM, Blogger Lazlo930 said...

Sorry about that. Anyway, reminds me of my son,. About two years ago, he would have been four, we got a new dog, half Border collie, half Blue Heeler and my son saw his penis. My son asked me what it was and I told him that it was the dogs penis, just like his. He looked straight back at me and said "My penis does not look like that!"

At Wednesday, January 26, 2005 12:19:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I work in the O.R. and one day we had a 20ish guy come in for a possible orchidectomy, (removal of the testical.) The young nurse was preping his groin with betadine and the gent under anesthesia became erect. The nurse holding his penis and gesticulating, (essentially giving him a hand job,) said, "This isn't normal, this is too big." At which point the older nurse tells her, "Guess you havn't seen that many of them." Peals of laughter erupted from everyone else in the O.R.

Remember a story involving a penis is twice as funny!

the Wanker

At Wednesday, January 26, 2005 2:29:00 PM, Blogger Silly Old Bear said...

That reminds me of that story where the parents were freaked that the hampster was having a baby...

If you haven't heard it I'll send it by e-mail, I think too long for the comments. Maybe.

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At Wednesday, January 26, 2005 5:50:00 PM, Blogger Besos de Chocolate said...

Haha, what a cute story. Good one. ;p Thanks for sharing it!

At Wednesday, January 26, 2005 8:51:00 PM, Blogger portuguesa nova said...

Lol! It is so reassuring to know that people this innocent still exist in the world.

At Thursday, January 27, 2005 2:30:00 PM, Blogger introspectre said...

Thats funny. The poor dears, eh?

At Thursday, January 27, 2005 3:14:00 PM, Blogger wilde_thought said...

That story made me happier than a pup with two peters.

At Thursday, January 27, 2005 3:15:00 PM, Blogger wilde_thought said...

Which reminds me, how do you suppose they reacted when they first saw the dog clean itself?

At Friday, January 28, 2005 6:29:00 PM, Blogger Craz4acop7 said...

And I'm sure they thought the overly-affectionate Henry was giving them lots of "hugs" when in reality he was humping their arm/leg, etc. LOL TOO Funny!

At Saturday, January 29, 2005 2:54:00 PM, Blogger Amber said...

That's hysterical. Reminds me of my brother and his wife's cat many years ago. She was a long-hair mixed breed and came in the house one day with what they thought were her intestines sticking out of her butt. They were horrified, to say the least, so they immediately wrapped her up and rushed her to the vet.

The vet examined her, face very grave and intent, frowning with concentration, touching the intestine-y, disgusting looking object sticking out of her rectum, trying to figure it out, then suddenly just plucked it off!

It was a banana slug she'd sat on.

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