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Sunday, July 11, 2004

Ugh...Don't read this, its just me being a bitch

It really takes alot to piss me off, and I am uber pissed right now. I don't want to come off as an unappreciative spoiled wife, because I'm not. I know my husband works very hard to allow me to stay at home with our son. I understand that therefore, certain jobs around the house are my responsibility and I am absolutly fine with that. I make Rick breakfast every morning, pack a lunch for work and have dinner ready for him when he comes home. I do the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, the shopping, the child rearing, the pet care, the decorating etc. I also do alot of 'mens' work around the house. I did all the painting, put up the trims and moldings in the rooms, installed the ceiling fans, do all the plumbing, kill all the spiders (Ricks afraid of em), use to change the oil in the cars but thank God we just pay to do that now, and so on and so on. The only chore he has here is to cut the grass, which takes maybe half an hour, as we have a small yard. Well the lawn was looking extra shitty today because it was too rainy last week for him to cut it, so its really overgrown. Yet, he refused to cut it today because its too hot. WHAT?! Its only 85 degrees out today! Thats mild for a July day out here! Its fuckin' summer for Christs sake! Of course its fuckin' hot! Its gonna be hot till October! Get over it! So I had to do the grass too, on top of every other goddamned thing around here. God I'm a bitch! But Jesus Christ! Okay. Deep breaths. Hope nobody read that.


At Sunday, July 11, 2004 9:07:00 PM, Blogger wilde_thought said...

Yes, it was read and no, it wasn't too much to ask Rick to spend 30 minutes to mow the yard.

As punishment, when you get inside from mowing, don't allow Rick to help wash you in the shower. That'll teach him.

At Sunday, July 11, 2004 10:29:00 PM, Blogger Alex said...

A Common Experience: the exasperation metric in the division of household labor.

Yes, you have every right to be upset at having to mow the lawn. I used to mow the lawn but now my boys are old enough to do that chore (that is, as long as I pay them $25). However, in winter, they won’t shovel snow no matter how much I’m willing to pay,,, and I live on a corner with three times as much sidewalk as my neighbors!!! Excuse me for digressing… it’s so long from winter and I’m still upset at my spouse for selling a snow blower in a yard sale before we moved from Kansas City to Alexandria, Virginia, because she didn’t think we’d need it. Argh!

My spouse and I work full time now that the kids are teenagers so things are different, but the division of labor in any household is always a source of tension. I try to remind myself that my view of this problem is biased. Both of us think that we do more than the other spouse and more than we should in the division of labor. I admit I fail to count things that she does in this equation like helping with homework. Now that school is out things shift, but during the school year, I get the kids up in the morning and feed them breakfast. My wife cooks dinner. I recognize that she does much more than me in this area. The kids pretty much dress themselves, but I have spent as much as thirty minutes looking for the one and only shirt that my son wants to wear that day. I do the laundry and the dishwasher. I round up the laundry, sort it, wash it, and put it on the ping pong table. My spouse folds the laundry. When she doesn't fold anything for a week, we have a mountain of clothes, bed linens, and towels on the ping pong table. It takes a long time to dig clothes out of that heap. That's very annoying to me. I'm searching for somebody's shirt to match whatever and all the time I'm stewing about how this wouldn't take so long if the clothes were folded. In the division of labor, this is an example of multiplying exasperation.

The clothing search anger multiple is derived by using the following formula:


MRA = minutes of residual anger
HCM = height of clothes mountain
SCI = size of clothing item
MF = minutes taken to find article of clothing

I mention this to her. After she folds clothes, I try to compliment her for tackling that huge mountain of clothes and she usually admits that she should have done something sooner but she was too busy because of **put in here any one or more things in the litanany of things she had to do that she didn't want to do.**

I am totally responsible for trash and recyclables. No one empties trashcans at my house. They will let it overflow onto the floor and it doesn't bother them. I bag the trash, take it out and put a new bag in...

With regard to the dishes, the division is less clear. My understanding is that I load and unload the dishwasher. She rinses off the dishes and stacks 'em in a dish rack. Pots and pans seem to get left on the stove. Sometimes she cleans 'em and sometimes she leaves 'em. Sometimes I clean the left ones and sometimes I leave 'em. Sometimes dirty pots get left for a whole day, but I give in and clean it if it's there for more than 24 hours. I get a little upset by a very messy kitchen counter. When school was in session, I used to have to do one load of dishes a day. When school was out, they generated two loads of dishes a day. So I was a little erked by the fact that they would run out of glasses and plates and not make any effort to run a load of dishes. I would end up doing two loads at night. I'm glad that's over, now. When ya write this down, it seems pretty petty to complain about it, doesn't it? Oh, I forgot, I make the bed every morning, too. I think I do a lot. I get a little irratated when I come home from work, start doing laundry and dishes and everybody else just sits watching television. I feel kinda like a servant... I'm just the kind of person that see things that need to be done and does 'em myself.

The crux of the problem is that some of us have a lower threshold for messiness, tall grass, and the absence of clothes, plates or glasses. The lazy or sloppy spouse will test our tolerance level. You must rise above it because you are just a better person.

your kind servant,

I am especially fond of reading about your erotic experiences.

At Monday, July 12, 2004 12:59:00 AM, Blogger chloe said...

oh man. you should really check out my blog. we can have pity parties... i host them often so come on over.

i feel your pain, darling.

At Monday, July 12, 2004 9:07:00 AM, Blogger Good Wife said...

Thank you for all the comments! I felt bitchy writing that post out.

I don't know if guys get turned on by hot sweaty women like women do over hot sweaty men, but when I came inside Rick was following me around the house and when I went to jump in the shower, I made sure to lock the door behind me. Pretty sure I heard the door knob jiggle, that made me laugh. hee hee

I like your formulation there Alex! lol Sounds like you too enjoy a certain amount of order around your house. Rick is unaffected by the chaos that follows when things get undone. That irks me, but what are you gonna do, right? Life's too short to be pissy over boxers that never quite make it to the hamper.

Chloe, I will certainly check out your blog, and thank you so much for the comment!

I have to admit, while I was angry that I had to tend to the lawn, the sun soon erased my anger. I'm telling you, its like a drug for me. And I enjoyed being outside admiring my flowers and watching the non stop line of birds at our feeder. I just don't stay mad for long, obviously! ;0)


At Wednesday, August 11, 2004 2:34:00 AM, Blogger rolandog said...

Hey, Alex... that reminded me about a certain period when the Moors took over Spain. Did you know that the Moors where the ones that brought the concept (which is guilty for the bad distribution of labor and some roles of good/bad guys in movies) of 'dignity' and 'honor'. The Moors disliked doing farming and plowing, so they also took on slaves and made them plow the fields. Spaniards were always glad to do manual labor (even rich families didn't mind it and for them it was a man's job), but after the Moors, well... bad things started to happen... the bastards...

I still live with my parents. Can't complain. But your marriage reminded me of my parent's marriage, Alex. My dad is the one who works, and he usually spends a lot extra hours because he wants the family company to prevail (Mexico's economy is acting up again... lol). My mom is the one who does almost all of the house work. She reminds me of Good Wife. I think that you shouldn't allow your boys/girls to watch that much TV. I gave up TV because I couldn't beleive how much trash is on it... so I took on reading, some sports, programming (learning c++ by myself... i'm a chemical engineer!!) etc.

Well, I should be sleeping right now... have classes tomorrow in the morning... lol
Oh well, I wish you guys the best... gbye


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