Do you care? I mean, really, tell me honestly. How do you feel when your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend masturbates? Does it bother you? How do you feel about it? It seems like women get hurt, and men get turned on. lol Am I right? Also, do you generally even know if your other half practices self love, and if so, how do you know? I wonder if the responses will match the stereotype.....You guys tend to surprise me every now and then... :)
posted by Good Wife @ 6:27 PM
31 Comments:
lol, GW. I love your questions sometimes! I masterbate, why shouldn't he be able to? Actually, and I'm not sure who many women are on the same page I am, but I find it really exciting to watch a guy masterbate. It gets me going! lol, or else I'm just a freak...but no one has really complained yet. Hmmm...lol
:-)
None of the women in any of my serious relationships have ever masturbated. At least they never told me; and believe me, I did ask. (The other relationships never lasted long enough for me to get to that question.) It wouldn't bother me if they did. We all have urges that have to be met.
The problem would arise if they perfered their hand or their toys over me in the bedroom. If I hadn't been getting action because they liked self stimulation over me, then the relationship wouldn't last long. As long as I'm getting attention I wouldn't care if they gave themselves attention or not.
I have had female friends who've told me about satisfying themselves when their boyfriends weren't around. I've also heard them discuss their sexual partner's act of choking the chicken when they weren't there to help with the deed. Guess I really don't see a problem with masturbation with either sex as long as the partner isn't abandoned in exchange. I must have come of age with a progressive group of men and women.
Good Wife, does the question come up because Ricky is still whacking off when you're nearby and wouldn't mind the shagging? You should really discuss it with him in the open and not hint around about your throw pillows get dirty. You've brought this topic up several times in your blog and it must be affecting you. You will not know the answer until you ask him directly.
I didn't miss this one, Good Wife. ;-)
Do I care if she masturbates? Well, it depends. Ours is a rather interesting situation, so my answer's probably a little different than most. We can't be together all of the time - and she's a sex freak - so I don't mind if she engages in a little self-love while we're separated. And yes, I know about it, because she tells me all about it. She's a rather open person, as you can perhaps tell.
Thus far, she hasn't had the need to do that when we've actually been able to see each other. If she's doing that because I can't please her, then I have a problem. Not necessarily with her doing it but with my own sorry ass for not being able to please her.
OK, so yes, as a guy I would be thrilled if my wife did self-pleasure every once in a while. My reason is that I have been trying for years to get her to loosen up a little and to get to know her own body, if only to help me to know what turns her on and gets her motor going. She is complicated, and I still struggle with knowing where it is best to tickle her. - Logical
http://www.indecentblogging.com/blog.php?user=logical
If I found out my wife did it, I'd be extremely hurt. But I guess I'm a special case - I'd want to know why in the world she'd need to do that, when I'm right where ready and willing, anytime, anywhere.
B.
Well, Goodwife... I don't really know for sure why do people masturbate, when they have someone to share the love with.
Right now, I don't have another half to share the love with, so self love is perhaps for now an option not to discard.
I'll say I'm lucky when I find a wife that finds sex as fun (yay) as I know it can be. I wish people were more open minded over here.
*sigh*
I'm a chick, and my boyfriend has never masturbated in front of me. Neither have I. Never. Now that I think of it, is that odd? I usually reserve that activity for my alone time.
I have NEVER touched myself in an unpure way, and I hope you aren't implying that you are your husband have done that. That is a sin against Jesus Christ OUr Lord. Has anyone told you how to get to heaven? You are on the wrong track here, its sad. You are Satan's pawn, wrangling in married men and women, making them, forcing them to have impure thoughts and feelings. How would you feel if you knew that someone read your smut and then touched themselves before our Lord? Or cheated on theri spouse, because of the seed of evil you have planted. Satan is working through you, inspiring impure sex between married couples. This is evil. Do you know that only your husband is to see you naked? And you show yourself to all who stumble here? For what? Because Satan wants the men and women who read this sight and lust over you, and do impure things, inspired by your writing and photos. Why do you allow such evil??? Only prayer can save you. Satan won't let go of your lustful soul without prayer. Hes only afraid of God. These men reading your site will begin to expect sex from you. Thats what you advertise, and they will come to collect. Thats what Satan does to lustful whores. Then what? How many children will be born out of sin? Their souls doomed by Satan, the ruler of your lustful life. Sex with the mouth and the rectum are forbidden. They are works of Satan. Why does he rule your life so? When did you become possesed? Profess your love to God through abstinence. You don't deserve to bring another child into this world. Only to be eaten up by Satan. You must give up your lustful behaviour to cleanse yourself before God. I pray for God to make your womb forever barren. Show him your love and stop Satan. Its a good life without him. You need to see that.
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Well..... I guess I fit the stereotype then. I personally have never had a negative reaction the few times I witnessed a girlfriend masturbate. In fact, on the rare occasion that it happened, it was during an intimate encounter, and I had to prompt her to do it. There is something very, very sexy and beautiful about watching a woman pleasure herself. I have never walked in and caught a girlfriend in the act..... if I did I think I would probably be just as turned on. I know many people would feel angry at this situation, like "aren't they getting satisfied by me in the relationship that that they feel the need to do this?". In my opinion, that's a load of Buffalo Chips! Sometimes.... you just feel the need.
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On the off chance that you are actually looking for input on this one... I did a blog entry on it back in February:
http://algor_langeaux.blogspot.com/archives/2004_02_08_algor_langeaux_archive.html#107633406442185370
(would make it a proper link but blogger usually manages to screw that up... sorry)
I would also encourage you to take my poll on Cunnilingus if you like:
http://65.31.199.63/poll/index.html
Your input would be much appreciated...
It seems strange to me that none of the comments thus far have made the point that maybe masturbation and sex with a partner are different desires. Everyone seems to think it's the same thing, and that's fine, but not my experience. Personally, even when I'm single (like, now), I don't want a partner if what I want is self-love, and vice-versa. It's just a different thing for me, though there's certainly a lot of overlap.
That said, I really didn't mind that my last girlfriend liked to masturbate. Good for her, I would worry somewhat if she didn't. It doesn't seem weird that a partner would want to, but it would be weird if I were to be replaced entirely with hand or object or whatever.
My ex-girlfriend and I sometimes used to spontaneously start masturbating in front of each other before sex. We both got really turned on by it. I used to love seeing and hearing her in pleasure as she touched herself so sensually. She clearly didn't mind me masturbating, since she used to encourage me to masturbate whenever I needed release but she wasn't in the mood.
You remember high school algebra when the teacher would draw a circle within a circle, label the inner circle 'A' and the outer circle 'B' and then say "All A's are B's, but not all B's are A's?
Well it's the same with masturbation. Sometimes masturbation can be a replacement for lack of sex, or it can be done for its own sake. Just thought I'd throw that it, because algebra is just so damn sexy.
For the person writing Anonymously ref masterbation and religion, if you're still reading this sight, are you not just as big of a sinner as the rest of us? Masterbation is not unpure, and it's not sinful. It's only natural. Back in Biblical times, yes they said it was a sin, but why? because back in those days, children died at birth, got deadly diseases and the likes. Nowadays, we have cures for all that, plus we're overpopulated anyways, so I'm sure God doesn't show displeasure for a little bit of tugging or frolicking in the garden of love from time to time...
To watch a beautiful woman pleasure herself is a magnificent thing.
To see my wife do it, would be a stinking miracle.
Dick
www.matureindividual.blogspot.com
The question answered is, yes I the "other" good wife does engage in self pleasuring, probably more than I actually have sex with my husband a week. My husband, since I work during the day and the kids is gone to school has relayed to me that he does too, probably more often than I get to on a per week basis. Our sex life is absolutely the best, when we have it, and neither of us mind if the other do so when we are not physically able to help. A few times in our fifteen years having sex (dating & marriage), he would tell me that he masterbated the morning after we had the most mind blowing sex the night before, I felt horrible! He though reassured me that yes I was right, we did have planet rocking duel orgasm sex, and he was just so sexually driven, he had to relive the event again.
Now for feedback, there is nothing wrong with you that he turns to beating off as to being with you, you sound like you are great in bed, so why not engage yourself?? Maybe one night when you "catch" him, say oh that makes me want to do that myself, wanna watch each other? Have selfish sex together, but don't expect him to always turn to you to get off, sometimes it is so much easier to just release the beast and get a good nights rest!
Remember, don't take it as a self esteem blow when he does this, he doesn't intend to hurt you by doing this, it sounds as if you two are greatly in love.
Something that hubby and I did after a few years of the lulls, is begin a date night, we crunched our pennies to just hire the sitters and we went out for a few hours of reconnection time, lots of time to talk about the weeks events, the kids (minimally since it is/was about US) and we reconnect as a couple. Talk about perking up both of us, I felt really upbeat about our marriage, and the small stuff I sweated over, such as not meeting his needs, went all away, we really reconnect! Try it!
Keep on writing, I absolutly love it!
I've never understood why someone's feelings would be hurt by a lover's masturbation, unless the solo act has supplanted sex together. It's lovely to have dinner together, but what's the harm in grabbing a sandwich for lunch.
I love to watch my husband (or anyone, really) masturbate, although he rarely does in front of me. I get myself off nearly every day, without detracting from our couple sex life at all, because my need for orgasms is exponentially greater than his. No harm done.
Ok, I had to post another comment, even if no one actually reads it. This is directed to the anonymous, narrow-minded knucklehead spouting their "all knowing, hollier than thou" religious attitude and nonsense - You are a complete freakin' moron! First of all..... God created us in His image. Or did you forget that from your Sunday school class? Therefore, anything we do, he has already done. Now - that's a mind-blower for ya, huh????? God getting off? Now, second - I don't know where you get off calling Good Wife a whore. You are so far off base, it's not even funny, in fact - it's down right infuriating! You should be ashamed of yourself! How dare you judge someone else? As I recall from my Roman Catholic upbringing and Bible study, there was a little verse that went something like; "Don't ye judge, lest ye be judged yourself" Or did you forget that one, too?
Good Wife is a wonderful, faithful, loving wife and mother. I wish her many more children if she so desires them. You wishing her barren is really the evil sentiment here. I'm no choir boy, not a religious fanatic such as you portray yourself to be, and I am not afraid to be judged based on who and what I am - therefore I have no problem telling you to BITE ME!
Oh, yeah - if you can't make a nice post on Good Wife's blog....... then go spew your non-sensical buffalo chips elsewhere.
Oh my God! How in the hell, did I miss that Bozo's comment?
Hey Zippy, swing by my place. You'll just love me!
Good Wife, it's blog fodder just like that moron that gives me stuff to write about. You're going to have to do a little cut-n-paste and reply to that genius. It'll be priceless.
Dick
www.matureindividual.blogspot.com
Bother me?! Why?! I'm a woman who loves mastrubation and especially loves this comment:
My ex-girlfriend and I sometimes used to spontaneously start masturbating in front of each other before sex. We both got really turned on by it. I used to love seeing and hearing her in pleasure as she touched herself so sensually. She clearly didn't mind me masturbating, since she used to encourage me to masturbate whenever I needed release but she wasn't in the mood.I love watching my lover masturbate and I figure it turns him on to watch me.
If you're doing it as a little "show" you can tell hot stories about what you're doing -- and mostly, I'm fantasizing about him, so all these distinctions about whether this is critical of his technique or something, or which is "real" or "better" -- sex or self-sex -- are lost on me. Sexual play and erotic pleasures are so much more broadly defined for me.
If I'm stroking myself, and he's there, I'm thinking about HIM most likely and getting off on simply seeing him. I'm also definately getting off on getting HIM off and imagining him stroking me.
Equally, I love mutual mastrubation. And how about whispering in your lover's ear while he mastrubates about other women being there with the two of you and give him a play-by-play. Use your imagination folks!
It's honestly hotter and more intimate for one person to let the other just sit there and watch them go all the way than simple sex. The person getting off is very open and vulnerable showing their sexuality so boldly. I think it's very sexy. I love when men show me what they like to do to get themselves off -- very healthy, I think, and delightful to watch all their gorgeous parts straining, rising, falling, shooting, finally collapsing into a total release.
And do I love to read sexy magazines in bed with my lover -- yes sir!
BTW, Baccus at Erosblog -- thanks for this link.
Thanks, Halley, but that was actually my new permanent guest blogger Aphrodite who linked over here. ;-)
-- Bacchus from ErosBlog
Masturbation is good for the soul. It's all good.
Wow, did you get some comments, huh?
My husband is such a mysterious masturbator. It cracks me up. I know he does it, I just don't know when or where. He's stealthy. I'm not stealthy at all. ;-)
Hi, GW. Women generally will object to her partner's "jacking off"; men usually become excited by it. Here's why, a simple matter of supply and demand.
If a woman masturbates and excites her partner, no problem; she's often ready for even more, so her masturbation becomes just another phase of foreplay, especially if I help. :-)
But when a man does it (especially us old farts) he's likely to be out of action for an hour or more, and ready for a nap.
Anything sexual that is "in addition to" in a good relationship is good; anything that is "instead of" is usually detrimental.
It doesn't really bother me if my husband masturbates; sometimes it arouses me. BUT, he doesn't neglect me sexually. I think if I was feeling frustrated and undesired (and undesirable) it would definitly cause me to have issues with him masturbating.
I've incorporated masturbation into sex before..the way I learned some of the best techniques to use with fellatio was by watching my lover masturbate. I don't know if that's going to work for everyone though, not everyone is going to be comfortable doing it in front of another person. Anyway, GW.. I can only suggest talking to your husband about your frustration, and see if he's willing to talk about why he's choosing to masturbate, but not to have sex with you. Have you two been having a rough time lately? If I'm angry or resentful with my husband, I really don't get in the mood easily (or at all), but that passes once the anger issues are resolved. I hope it works out for you both.
Oh, as for the person who wrote in with the long pseudo-christian rant.. If you were serious, I hope you find a spiritual path which helps you learn tolerance and respect for your fellow man. Christ did not teach hatred. I cannot conceive of ever hearing him say someone didn't "deserve" to have a child. That kind of thinking is the work of Satan, not masturbation. I guess it's likely you posted to try and get a lot of attention,in which case you succeeded. The pediatrician said something about negative attention being better than none at all...
I stumbled on this blog from another site... I doubt very much that my wife does at all, she'd have to have a lot more interest in sex than she does. On my side, the more sex I get the more I want, the more I end up doing it, but its never stopped me from being interested in the real thing. Its always more fun to have a partner than not.
Hi I thought that I would like to add my own experience to your site.
I had discovered that my husband was having solo sex and was using a vibrator in secret. It is a very long story and his behaviour changed towards me with reduced sexual intimacy. I have had to beg for explanations then receive what I now know as further lies. I have never deigned him, I have no aversion to blow jobs or hand jobs and in fact I really do enjoy sex.
I then discovered a pair of silky thong pants hidden with the toy and
they were not mine. Eventually I challenged him again and his
explanation was hard to accept. I suppose most of the time I
felt OK but then I could never get my head around him apparently acting out these things in the disabled toilet where he worked, I kept thinking someone will discover him. Other things did not seem to make sense either.
I was absolutely devastated by my discoveries and not because I have anything against masturbation. I wanted to be needed for my husband’s sexual pleasure. To me it was a sign of personal failure if whilst going about ones life you see unaccountable changes in the man you love and have had a great sex and intimacy with almost every night to maybe once a month.
Suspicions run rife, what would he need condoms for; he must be having sex with someone else, as he doesn't need condoms with me. When you find toys hidden, we had a whole box full of toys. But
the hidden toys are for him and he didn't share. When challenged he
made excuses all relating to his needs and not mine, although I am
here and have never denied him.
The worry about the panties whose were they. If as he said they were his and his reason for having them was to see what it felt like to wear ladies underwear, I never understood because he has worn mine before. He now says that he has finished with all that but I still think he continues.
Although things are getting much better and maybe back to good times again I do get these sightings in my mind of him at play and then I panic.
Take care
DXBB
I felt sorry for myself because I had no girlfriend,
until I met a man who had no hands...
triticale
No, I don't care. I'm glad that he's comfortable enough to do it in front of me. I couldn't imagine going through an entire marriage sneaking off to go masturbate because you're too embarrassed. But I don't like it when he does it in the morning when I'm sleeping and wiggles the bed.
I laugh and laugh at the people who don't understand a joke (ie. the Bible anon poster).
Seriously people. Read it and have a laugh at how rediculous it is. Save your worldly opinions for those who preach that sort of thing for real.
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