Wondering...
Close your eyes and imagine this. You are in a dark room, unable to see anything. As you are lying back in your seat, an unknown person comes up to you and begins giving you a blow job/eating you out. Moments pass, everything feels great, and just as you are about to climax, the lights come on and you see that the source of your pleasure is a person of the opposite sex that you are attracted to. (to clarify, what I mean by that is if you are a straight man, the person giving you a blow job is a man; if you are a gay woman, the person eating you out is a man.) They continue to pleasure you, but knowing what you now know, are you still able to come? Or are you just completely unable to, now that you know that the person's sex is not the sex you prefer?
Why do I ask such a silly question? I suppose I'm trying to shed some light on something that happened to me several years ago with the guy I was dating. We had been together for nearly a year, had made out, fooled around etc several times before. One thing I always found odd about him (I'll call him Bill) is that he never once ejaculated. No matter what we did, and believe me, I tried everything. I vividly recall an extremely tiring blow job in the backseat of his car that lasted roughly 45 minutes before I finally gave up. I was always too shy to ask what the problem was, but it drove me nuts! Well, as my luck would have it, Bill came out of the closet about three years ago. Is this the answer? He wasn't attracted to me enough to come, because I had tits, not balls? Was he just holding back? Is that even possible? This has gnawed at me for years. lol I have a reputation to uphold! hehehe I would think though, that if someone was pleasuring you, regardless of their sex, you should be able to reach orgasm. Am I wrong? This could get some interesting replies...
posted by Good Wife @ 10:13 AM
5 Comments:
I must admit that if I were in this situation I would probably be unable to stay in the moment. I used to have a bad habit of staying in relationships even after I knew they should be over (very immature, I know). Even though those people were guys I had once been attracted to, at that point there was nothing they could do get me going for any kind of romantic situation; just the thought of it would make me cringe. Imagining myself in the situation you offered, with those same people, there's just no way I could continue to enjoy.
I'm still considering the challenge in your earlier post. Even if I take it on I may not publish it to the blogs. I don't know.
As to Bill and blow jobs. It is something that is hardwired to a degree. The brain is the biggest sex organ of them all. I certainly discovered that with Eva. Even if he were straight he may not have been able to have a 'happy ending' with a BJ. There are straight guys out there who can only climax under certain circumstances. Either they have a fetish that has to be pleased or they are so puritanical in their beliefs that they can't enjoy anything other than missionary - lights off and no sounds! It's not necessarily you.
Have you wondered why it is that you have attracted two, or was it three, closet homosexuals into your life? Is it just where you live? I'm not saying that it's you but is there something that gravitates you to them and them to you? Or are you done wondering since you found Ricky?
Thanks, as always, for the feedback. Do I ever wonder what attracted my previous three boyfriends to turn out gay? Of course I do! To be fair, one of them was at the tender age of 13, so perhaps that relatioship doesn't really count. The second was a guy whom I worked with who had a huge crush on me. He was the computer geek star trek type of guy, that nobody had any clue that he could possibly be gay. I started dating him out of pity, really, and while we did kiss, nothing more ever happened. I assumed he was just nervous, and I wasn't madly in love with him, so I wasn't chomping at the bit to go further with him. We had a friendly break up, and remained very close friends until shortly after he came out of the closet. I was the first person he told, and imaginary gossiping lead to the demise of our friendship. I have to admit, I, along with all our close friends, was shocked. Billy. Oh, Billy! I believe this was a mutual crush that turned into dating. We exchanged "I love yous", spent holidays with each other's families, the works. Perhaps I would go as far as to say that he was my first true love. We were dating just under a year when he suddenly broke up with me. I was heart broken. His excuse was that he loved me too much and it scared him. Hmmm...
I dated a few guys after Bill, and once I started dating Rick, Bill started coming around again. He began writing me elaborate love letters, sending me flowers, buying me gifts for no reason. I was confused. It seemed that while I was single, he wanted nothing of me, but when I started dating again, suddenly he was reminded of how much he loved me. This ended on a Valentines evening. He had left a teddy bear, roses, a ring, a mixed tape, and a love letter on my parent's front porch for me. I was with Rick when my mom handed me all the gifts. The stress of it all reduced me to tears. Finally, it was decided that we would drive by his house and return everything, leaving it on his porch, as he did to me. It was too much for him and he became icy to both me and Rick. Mom's theory is that if he couldn't have me, then he was done with women. ( I had been his first and only girlfriend) Hes not actually dated any men, but hes confided in his sister that he thought he was gay. I'm not sure how to swallow that.
I don't know if I attract gay men, or if I am subconciously attracted to them. I am the girliest girl you'll ever meet, so I don't believe I in any way shape or form resemble a man, if that is what was implied. If someone has any insight for me, as to why this happened, I am more than happy to hear it. I will, of course, always wonder why I had such a strange history with the ex boyfriends becoming gay.
Wilde_thought, I hope you don't feel I was pressuring you about the story. That is not my intention, and of course I will respect whichever decision you make. I was teasing about the pouting. Or was I.... ;0)
xoxo
No, I wasn't feeling any pressure. I was feeling the old porn writing addiction resurfacing. (Hmm, how big to make the nipples?) I'm kidding of course. But all things considered I'll bow out of the competition for now. But do keep looking at my blog from time to time. There might be something there for all red blooded heterosexuals to read. (Sorry, I don't do gay or bizarre fetishes.)
I didn't realize how young your three gay men were. Seriously, some closet gays don't figure themselves out until their late twenties early thirties. And as to Bill...from the brief extra information you gave me he may have a medical condition causing his identity confusion. Or he could have...oh, what's the term?...a condition where he can only orgasm through masturbation. Thus when he could never do anything with you he figured that he must be gay. Hell, who knows? Whatever the case stop beating yourself up. (Unless that's your thing. There's no hang-ups here.)
How do I know some of this? I was good friends with a psychology major in college. She went on to become a sex therapist.
And no, I did not imply that you looked or acted like a man. It's simply that people are attracted to others for a reason. Actually those three gay guys may have chosen you because you are such a beautiful woman. You know, one last attempt at the opposite sex and if it didn't work with you then they knew they were gay.
*hugging wilde_thought close to bosom after the beautiful woman comment* Thank you, darling, for the insight. Very interesting. I tend to question Bill's homosexuality, but then, who am I to do such a thing? Hes really not a part of my life anymore, so its of little importance. I don't beat myself up over any of my exes, gay or straight. The past is just that, past and done. Certainly it was normal and healthy to wonder whatever happened with the few who've changed sexual preferences, yes? Just a curiosity I chose to get some opinions on.
Of course I will continue to read you blog, love! I enjoy it very much, without any of the sexcapades. I admire your writing and value your opinion. Nothing changes that! ;0) I apologize for stirring up sour memories, as it certainly was not my intent.
xoxo
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