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Friday, January 14, 2005

A blonde goes into a laundromat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The laundromat attendant doesn’t hear her correctly and says, “Come again?”

The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, “Oh, no it’s just mustard this time.”

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isn’t sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can’t believe that he’s seeing what he’s seeing.

A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again.

The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, “Three times you’ve sneezed, and three times you’ve taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! Are you trying to drive me crazy?”

“I’m sorry to have disturbed you, sir,” she replies. “I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm.”

The man, now feeling badly, says, “Oh, I’m sorry. What are you taking for it?”

The woman looks at him with a coy smile and says, “Pepper.”

King Arthur was in Merlin’s laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

“This is no good, Merlin!” the king exclaimed, “Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?”

“Ah, sire, just observe,” said Merlin. He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.

“Merlin, you are a genius!” said the grateful monarch. “Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.”

After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest.

Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal “short arm” inspection.

Sure enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad.

“Sir Galahad,” exclaimed King Arthur. “My one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!”

But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.

A man wearing a stovepipe hat, a fake beard, and a waistcoat sits down at a bar and orders a drink.

“Goin’ to a party?” the bartender asks.

“Yeah,” the man replies, “I’m supposed to go dressed as my love life.”

“But you look like Abe Lincoln.”“That’s right. My last four scores were seven years ago.”


At Friday, January 14, 2005 11:48:00 AM, Blogger Lazlo930 said...

A young guy walks into the bar and asks the barkeep for seven shots of tequilla. The barkeep looks a bit skeptical but pours out seven shots and lines them up in front of the guy.

The guy takes the first shot and starts shaking his head, gasping for air and pounding his fist on the bar.

He takes the second shot and has the same reaction. This goes on through allthe shots whiel the barkeep continues to watch.

Finally, after the last shot is done, the barkeep asks the guy,

"Sir, its not my business, but its obvious that you don't like tequilla, why did you take those shots?"

The guy responds, "I celebrating."

"Oh what are you celebrating?" askes the barkeep.

"My first blowjob." replies the guy

"Well congratualtions friend," replies the barkeep "How about I buy you one more shot."

"No thanks," he says "If those first seven shots didn;t get the taste out of my mouth I'm pretty sure one more ain't going to do it either."

At Friday, January 14, 2005 3:51:00 PM, Blogger eyerocker said...

hehe....u competing funnies wif me now?

At Monday, March 14, 2005 7:49:00 AM, Blogger DocSmokeheart said...

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband.
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail!
Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture:
Her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
"Well now, You didn't tell me you had a prescription."


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