Would you be willing to give up sex for one year if you knew it would give you a much deeper sense of peace than you have now?
Let me hit your G-spot...
Or Gmail spot, as it were. If you've been longing for the ever elusive G-spot stimulation- er, Gmail invitation, then drop me a line at firstname.lastname@example.org
. I've got a few left, and I like to share. :)
Edit note:I'm temporarily out of invites now, but as soon as I get some more, I will be more than happy to share them with you all again. Thanks! xoxo
Ow. It hurts. I think I'll go lay down and mourn in peace.
Hailey watched him move across the lobby of the hotel from her perch curled up in an overstuffed arm chair in the corner. He was wearing a gray suit with a bright blue shirt and gray tie. It was the same suit he had been wearing when she had noticed him this afternoon when she checked into the hotel. She hadn't been able to keep her eyes from following him as she signed in. Tall, bronzed skin, bald head, and a stride like a jungle predator when he walked; he had drawn her attention and made her feel urges that weren't normal to have while haggling for a nonsmoking room after her original reservations had been accidentally cancelled by her new secretary. Stressed—definitely, mad—absolutely, but horny—well that was a new one.
Now at 2am she still couldn't get the mystery man out of her head. She had hoped that he would be attending the same conference as she, but she hadn't seen him at the opening night ceremonies. She had, however spent the long two hours of drawn out introductions and generic business fantasizing about the golden man with the perfect shaped bald head. She had focused so intently on her subject and her assessment of him naked that when the crowd got up to applaud someone's speech she envisioned them cheering for her as she concluded her sexual escapade. Her blush was bright when she stood and cheered with the others, looking around to see if anyone had noticed her passionate response.
She couldn't sleep. She had to speak the next day, and needed rest, but there was just too much...tension. After pacing the room, flipping through the free cable, and locating the ice machine; she decided to find the all night coffee bar in the lobby.
Now there she was, a Styrofoam cup in hand, curled into a large wingback people watching. She picked the chair because of the large plant that concealed her mostly from view. She had padded down to the lobby bare foot in her green silk pajama pants and matching lace camisole top. The top was thin and slinky, making her dark nipples practically visible as her large breasts strained against the edges of the lacy material, which by consequence caused the material to leave her midsection bare. She had picked up her button up dress sweater as an afterthought and draped it over the flimsy material. However without a bra it didn't help, but seemed to add to the redirection of eyes from her face to her breasts. The night bell hop had ogled her openly his Adams apple bobbling as he held open the elevator door for no reason she could see. His assessment of her front was only matched by the assessment of her rounded ass accentuated by the silk material as she slipped by him.
It had been worth it. The bell hop, now behind the desk with one hand mysteriously under the desk-naughty boy, and the luke warm coffee that she drank anyway were all okay because he was there. His jacket draped over one arm, his tie loosened, and lucky day, he was coming towards the coffee pot. It was time for a refill.
She stood behind him for a moment, admiring the way his arms seem to roll under his dress shirt, and the way his dress pants hang perfect off of his ass. Not many men could make a pair of dress pants look that perfect from the rear, she mused. He smelled good too, something spicy and unfamiliar but arousing. When he turned he smiled at her.
Hailey straightened her shoulders, making her breasts push out against the open sweater and small top. She touched her black curly hair that was pulled up with chopsticks out of her nervousness, and bit her full bottom lip. "Hi," she tested her voice as she met his gaze.
He stood a good foot above her, and when looking down had an open aerial view of her form in pj's. "Hello," he drawled out as he studied her. His voice was deep and clear.
Hailey looked at his hands wrapped around the cup, they were large. She imagined how they would feel cupping her breasts and felt her nipples grow hard in response to her wandering mind. She shrugged her shoulders, "getting one more," she held up her coffee cup for him to view, "can't sleep," she offered in explanation.
He watched her from head to toe then smiled. "Hmm mmm, then you may want to try the herbal tea instead, to get some sleep."
Hailey pressed her lips together then smiled again, her full lips soft and wet; she long lashes sweeping up to his direction. "Yeah, well I'm more edgy, nervous about the seminar I'm teaching tomorrow-tense, you know? Coffee calms me a little." She was babbling. How did one go about these things? She had a feeling that this was not the way. For her next step she brushed her body against him closely as he moved around to the coffee pot.
"Sounds like you need to unwind," his voice came close to the back of her ear. His body warming her backside like a fire, her body tingled again, and she knew without a doubt that her nipples were rock hard and completely pressed out against her top by now. He reached for the creamer, his bronzed hand brushing her shoulder on the way in, and her neck on the way back. "Being that tense is never healthy."
She turned around, her ass pressed against the coffee bar due to the closeness of her coffee partner to her person. Her chest touched his shirt lightly. She looked up at him with one sharp eyebrow raised, "Ah, and do you have a better idea?" Emboldened, she put a finger against his chest, and then curled her hand around his tie pulling him close to her. Tilting her face up, she whispered, "If so I'd be very willing to give it a try."
The next thing she remembered was the whoosh of the door to the handicapped bathroom at the end of the lobby. As soon as the door slid shut, her mystery man slid the lock into place then pressed her hard against the wall.
They kissed rough, hungry, biting more than kissing against the cold marble walls. She could feel him growing hard against her abdomen and reached in to remove his belt.
He had pulled her sweater off, and was now working on the slinky top. His fingers were pinching her nipples through the material, those large hands cupping them as best they could. His mouth moving down her neck, her collar bone, and now one lucky nipple was inside his hot mouth.
Hailey leaned back against the wall as he slid his way down to his knees in the bathroom floor. He removed her top, sucking her nipples each back and forth. His tongue working in perfect circles, and teeth grazing just right each time his mouth came down. Hailey pulled at his shirt, loosened his tie, and when he tugged just right, gripped his perfectly shaped head against her aching chest.
He pulled down her silk pants. Her pussy was shaved and bare underneath. He let out a low groan when he made this discovery, then buried his face against the smooth mound. His hands moved to her hips and pressed her against the handicap rail on the wall. With little difficulty, he placed Hailey's bared ass onto the handicapped rail and her legs on his shoulders.
In this position, he dove in fast and deep. His hand on her hips to hold her in place and his tongue moving directly to her clit. He lapped at her in darting licks then buried his lips to suck her into him mouth and hum.
Hailey had never experienced anything like this. She felt on the verge of falling in her precarious perch, and a little like flying with the intense attention she was receiving. She let her feet touch his back, his upper arms, and her thighs balanced on his shoulders letting her fuck his face as he did amazing things with his tongue. In no time her head was slumped back against the cold wall in complete blissful submission. When his thumbs moved in to open her more to his mouth she knew that she would soon come undone.
The cries came low at first, and then built louder as her body tightened under his attentions. Just before she built her release, he changed his perch. Taking her legs and hooking her knees around his bent arms, he opened her wide, and kissed her mouth.
Hailey lapped at his mouth, making love to his tongue as he quickly pulled down his pants and slid on a condom. Holding her gaze and passions, he pulled her up and onto his hard cock.
He was large, thick. The largest that she had ever had before. Her mouth formed an involuntary 'O' as she caught her breath to the new invasion. He smiled smugly, recognizing her dazed expression as he began moving himself deeper inside of her. He took her knees back with his arms and drilled into her against the wall. His strides were long and hard making her large breasts bounce each time he ground into her, and small gasps come from her each time his balls slapped against her bare ass. He bit at her ear, her jaw her lips as he set his jaw firmly and fucked her as hard as he could.
Hailey had never felt such an intense force while having sex. It was an addictive feeling. She gripped her nails into his back and held onto him, urging him more and more.
A rhythm was set and they began moving faster and faster, both frantic for the release the other could give. His hands were holding onto the handicapped rail on either side of Hailey as he drove harder in. Hailey used her thighs to rock against his cock, meeting his stride each time he pushed in.
Again they changed positions. He pulled the chopsticks out of her hair and stood her upright again. Holding onto her hair he bent her over in front of him, this time her hands on the rail and her ass in the air. He took her from behind. Fast, rough, so much force that she had to brace her self wide or else slam her face into the wall. She felt like a pinball machine as he took her faster and faster.
His hands grabbed her breasts, squeezing her nipples to painful hard points, and grinding his hips in circles from behind. The motion touched the perfect spot inside of Hailey and she began to moan and push back each time.
Words exchanged between them, but none that could be understood or explained accept in the height of perfect pleasure. "Fuck, fuck me." "Yeah, you like that, take it, take it." "Oohhhhh.." Words uncontrolled building up to the final pleasure.
Hailey felt an intense warmth breaking free, just as she heard him groan low from behind her. She came quickly, her orgasm hitting fast and leaving her breathless. When she came back down he was still fucking her, deeper and deeper each time. She climaxed again as he found his own release and buried himself firmly inside.
Spent, she fell onto the counter with her lover leaning against the door. They stared at each other like a pair of boxers finishing a ten round match in a tie. Hailey looked down at her hands. They were shaking. Little tremors were coursing through her from the intense ride she had just experienced. Addictive, this stranger was, she smiled as she explored her new wilder side.
He smiled in return. He was panting as hard as her from his perch against the door. His shirt was still on, and his tie was backwards, and his pants were around his ankles. He pulled them up and picked up Hailey's sweater as he approached her once more.
"Now that is how I'd suggest unwinding," he gripped her thigh hard with one hand and kissed her hard one last time.
Hailey wound her hand around the tie and pulled him back to face her in the eye. He was the most incredible unexpected experience of her life. "Who said I was unwound?" she raised a cool brow at him and put her hand against his clothed groin, her fingers touching his balls in a firm caress. "I think we need to try this one more time."
She slid off the counter, giving him a good view of her ass when she bent over to slide her pants back into place. The sweater she buttoned next, the middle two buttons only. She dropped the camisole on the counter and smiled.
"I seem to have lost this," she took her room key from her pocket and put it in his front pants pocket, she could feel him stirring already. Boldly she flicked her fingers against the half mast of his manhood from his pocket then gripped his waist and wet her lips. "If you find it, could you bring it by 208? I'll be in the Jacuzzi, so let yourself in."
She left the bathroom and her lover behind. She pulled at her hair, remembering the chopsticks were somewhere on the marble floor, and that the open cut sweater left nothing to surprise of her chest. Emboldened by her adventure she strutted to the front desk were the same said bellhop was now flushed and hastily doing his fly. She leaned over the counter and smiled at him, enjoying the predatory feeling as he backed up awkwardly.
"I seem to have left my room key upstairs; could you kindly lend me another so I can go stretch out awhile?" She looked down at his crumpled shirt tucked hastily in his pants and slowly back to his face and smiled as he ran for the back room throwing her an extra key in his dash to the back.
Things were just looking up, she mused in the elevator. She spied her lover leaving the bathroom, her camisole tucked inside his jacket pocket. He was looking at her key and straightening his tie. The doors shut slowly, a little naughty fun never hurt anybody, she bit her lip and smiled. Especially, where there was more of it to come.
She had, only moments earlier, been strolling through Elysian fields, warm breeze flowing through her hair and the fragrance of beautiful flowers filling her nostrils. But when she opened her eyes, she only saw darkness through a foggy veil.
Her head felt heavy and out of sorts. The room was cold, and her senses seemed numbed, almost frozen. She thought she heard a sound, a voice? But couldn't be sure.
Something brushes against her leg, but her mind is unable to grasp hold of what it may be.
Hot breath kisses her skin, warming a trail to her breast. For a moment she catches a small piece of a familiar scent, but when she tries to breathe in more, her nose fails her.
She tries to focus her eyes on the dark presence, now looming above her, but the strain only makes her head ache.
The once warm kisses on her breast are now icy, as cool air hits the residual dew. Goosebumps cover her skin.
Large fingers walk the trail from her chest to her tummy and then rest near her sex. Slowly, they open her lips and cumulate her wetness for their journey inward.
She vaguely feels him inside of her, twisting and crawling through her folds. The fog is unyielding and her head still too heavy and full to concentrate.
Heated lips rest on her neck.
The fingers that explored her now wrap themselves around her shoulders as his cock nuzzles into her sex.
His touch feels like a memory, so abstract. But her body reacts to him, teetering closely to euphoria.
He impales himself into her pulsating box, throbbing his own climax deep within her.
Warmth surrounds her as he wraps his body around hers. Again she thinks she hears voice, but still she can't make out the words, or even be certain that’s what she heard.
The voice continues, louder, insisting to be heard, but still mumbled.
"Did you hear anything I said?," he asks, having pulled out one of her ear plugs.
"Huh?" she replies, groggily.
"Damn! That Nyquil really does a number on you!"
*sniffle sniffle cough cough*
"Well you're the one who made me sick!"
Germy Mc Germison
When I was about eight years old, I accidently gave my baby brother, then four months old, my cold. I had stayed home from school sick, and honestly wasn't even thinking about it when I lovingly kissed him as I played with and cared for him.
The kiss was enough to have him spend two days in the hospital, in an oxygen tent on the 23 and 24 of December. He spent Christmas Eve in the hospital. I felt awful, of course, and my parents joked about my 'kiss of death' to the point that I would go to my room and cry.
Since then, I am slightly neurotic about germs. I am very aware of what I touch and use extreme caution not to pass along or pick up germs if I can possibly help it. I expect the same from, of all people, my husband.
Friday night, after spending the day together, kissing and loving etc, Rick finally says, "I think I may be coming down with something."
What only moments earlier was the vision of lovliness in my eyes, has now transformed into a cess pool of germs and disease. I distance myself a bit before replying.
"What do you mean?"
"I think I'm coming down with a cold. My throats scratchy and my nose is stuffy. My head hurts a little too, but thats probably my sinus'."
"When did your sypmtoms start?" I ask, knowing its already too late, that hes allowed foreign bacteria to enter my body and form a plan of attack.
"Yesterday, I guess."
Yesterday?! He canoodled with me all day, knowing he was sick since yesterday
?! Not to mention the wrestling with our son. Rick doesn't think about those things. This irritates me to no end. I feel like his mother, constantly having to remind him to wash his hands after he blows his nose, or to sneeze into his sleeve, not the open air, or to take his medicine.
So Saturday morning, the baby has a runny nose. Surprise, surprise. By Saturday night, I'm sniffling and sneezing. The invasion was successful. And I had no idea my husband was a double agent, carrying the enemy in his kiss. Traitor.
Mind vs Body
Eric was a big guy. 6'4", nearly 300 pounds. I had known him since grade school, when the teacher paired us together for peer tutoring. He wasn't very bright, he'd been held back twice. but he was nice. And cute.
In a lull between boyfriends, and perhaps a touch of rebound, I was more receptive to Eric's advances than I should have been.
On our frist date, he brought me AND my mom flowers. Sweet, but then he tried to shake hands with my dad with his left hand. I still hear about that to this day.
On our fourth or fifth date, he took me to see 'Anaconda'. Throughout the movie, he kept sneaking his arm around me and hissing, trying to scare me. I held his hand to stop him, which I think was his point.
After the movie, we sat in his truck in my parents driveway and talked. There was a tension in the air so thick it was hard to breathe. Finally I cracked my window. It was late spring and the night air was cool and damp. I took a deep breath of the fresh air, trying to clear my mind. It had just stopped raining only minutes earlier. We hadn't had our first kiss yet, and I think we both wanted to, but didn't want to make the first move.
Eric inched closer and closer to me as we casually talked and joked around. He said something to playfully aggravate me, so my hand reached out the window and swiped the roof of the cab, wetting it with cool rain drops before I wiped it on his cheek. He acted upset, but his smile told me otherwise, and soon we were both assaulting eachother with the residual rain.
His touch, with the cool droplets, made my skin tingle. I closed my eyes and opened them to find him kissing me. My fingers swirled around in his silky, dark hair, holding him close to me.
Everything felt good, but not right. I had known this before we had our first date. My friends were shocked when we started dating. Eric was fun to be around, but he had no substance. An intelligent conversation with him was not possible. But he was fun. Thats what Eric boiled down to. How everyone described him. Fun. He could satiate my body, but not my mind. Was this fair to either of us?
His fingers, still wet from the rain, slid up the back of my shirt. I felt so small in his embrace, him being so large, it felt as though his one hand covered my entire back.
He laid back on the seat and pulled me with him, resting me on his pelvis and chest. I could feel his dick, thick and hard, through his pants, pressing up against my thigh. His fingers rubbed me through my panties while his other hand found my breast and rubbed my nipple through the fabric of my bra.
I reached down and rubbed him through his pants, knowing I could have him any way I wanted him. He sat up and kissed me as his fingers found my slit.
The cab was steamy now, winows fogged over and our hot breath making it sauna like. The windows were cracked enough to bring cool relief to my exposed skin, but not enough to let me continue. I was uncomfortable enough to be able to think straight and not fuck just to fuck.
"Maybe we should slow down," I say as my hand slide away from his hardness. He catches his breath before he answers.
"Maybe we should....." he tried to read my face to see whether he could push the issue. He read correctly and didn't.
I tried to 'love the one I was with', but it just wasn't happening. Mind won over body. Isn't that the way it should be?
Thursday afternoon, Rick's friend called asking whether or not we'd like his playoff tickets for the night, as he was too ill to go. Of course, we graciously accepted. Rick decided to make a night of it, and even acquired a limo for our transportation. (helps that his friend owns a limo company) The tickets took us to amazingly good seats, and half way through the game, we tied and then led the Astros. And when we won? Whew! Nearly orgasmic. lol The limo ride home was action filled, what with the adreniline rush from the game. Twas a good night. A good night indeed!
This is what happens to Astros fans on my site. Red Sox fans, beware! And, as always, GO CARDS!!
Feeling naughty.....Tonight, Rick will not be calling the shots, I assure you. Can't risk a replay of Tuesday night. Don't think he'll mind, once I'm done with him. Speaking in fragmented sentences. Shame on me. Gets point across though. :)
"Whats your poison?"
Letting the dog out in the backyard today, I made the mistake of making eye contact with Santa
as he passed near the fence. He was sipping something out of a thermos, presumably coffee, and he feverishly motioned for me to come talk to him. Great.
He reached over the gate and tried to unlock it to let himself in, but found it too difficult and awaited my assistance. I made no such offer as I noticed the alcohol fumes permeating from him.
"What are you drinking, Nick?" I asked.
"Oh this?", he asks offering me the thermos. "Just a little Jack and some special ingredients," as he chuckles.
I turn down the special concoction.
"Don't you drink? Or are you religionous?" Yes, he said 'religionous'.
"I drink some, but never before 10 am. Isn't it kind of early for Jack, Nick?"
"Ohhhh no! Never too early for Jack." *swigging from the thermos*
"Hmmm..." I say, glancing at the door, hoping to get away from this conversation sooner than later.
"Whats your poison, darlin'? What do you like to drink? Probably tequila, right? Because you're a little Spanish fly, right?" *winking way too many times*
I didn't know what to say to that, because my favorite drink does
have tequila in it. Happy coincidence, but stereotypical nonetheless. I decided that Santa didn't need to know my drink preference, and the dog started barking to go inside, so I was off the hook.
So, inspired from 'ol St Nick himself, whats your poison? Or are you 'religionous', and therefore can't drink? lol
A happy day in red October. Thank God, LaRussa pulled out Isringhausen before he ruined it for everyone! And The Spankees lost to the Red Sox! Go Cards!!!
I was hopelessly horny all day yesterday, to the point where just about everything turned me on. It was ridiculous.
I thought perhaps an orgasm may hold me over until Rick came home, so when the baby went down for his nap, I was quick to whip out the vibrator.
Why are vibrators so noisey? My bedroom window was open a crack, and I felt certain that any casual passerby would hear the buzzing and know just exactly what was going on upstairs. I didn't care, mind you, but the thought did cross my mind.
I tried to prolong the session, to really build up a strong climax that would hopefully put my libido to rest at least until later that night, but it was less than a minute before I was wriggling underneath the the plastic, phallic stick, with a sigh of not quite content relief.
It wasn't long before I brought myself to orgasm again. And again. And just one more time, maybe this will finally put my arousal to rest....
No such luck. I needed sexual closeness, not just the release of climax. I wanted to be fucked.
I couldn't pounce on Rick the minute he walked through the door, as it was a busy time in the house. Dinner was cooking, dryer buzzing, dog wanting to be walked, and son running around the house like a super hero, his overwhelming desire to play with daddy nearly matching my own.
So I had to wait. Through work babble, and super hero role playing, telephone calls, dinner, bathtime and then finally story and bed time.
By this time, I had taken my own bath and was lying on our bed in a night shirt watching television. Rick came in complaining of how cold he was and asking where his sweats were. I told him "in the dryer", and heard him head that way, undressing as he went. When he returned, he straddled be from behind, as I was laying on my belly, and I felt his hard dick slide between my thighs and part my pussy.
Yes! Finally! The release I've been waiting for! A few more thrusts, and he climbs off.
"What? Whats wrong?" I ask.
"Nothing," he says, as he pulls his faded sweats on. Hes being a tease. *frustrated sigh*
I try not to show how aggravated I am, as he plants himself in the armchair across from the bed. I am not, however, in the mood for silly games.
When the commercial comes on, and I've cooled down a bit, I crawl off the bed to the chair where hes sitting. A kiss, and then I pull the hard on out of his pants and begin sucking on him.
His eyes never leave the television screen. When the show comes back on, he pulls himself back into his pants. He thinks hes being cute. Thats the farthest thing from my mind.
I tell him to join me in bed, and he does. We watch television.
About twenty minutes later, during the commercial, he rolls over and reaches down to my lips and begins finger fucking me and passionatly kissing me. Finally! I quickly respond, and my fingers find his cock, hard and pulsing beneath my touch. Just as we're getting into it, the commercials are over, and he stops.
"Rick, I don't want to play this game. I want you. I've wanted you all day. Please."
A smile, as he continues to watch tv.
Not cute. Not cute at all.
Finally the show is over, and I hope that he can finally pay attention to me. Nothing. He rolls over and says, "good night". He thinks hes being cute.
Maybe he wanted me to chase him more, maybe he expected me to play along. But I went to bed feeling more frustrated than ever, knowing that the very thing I longed for all day was lying next to me, unresponsive.
And it wasn't cute.
Little Johnny came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigormortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why is his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said little Johnny.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy,and colored red and brownish." Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking," the teacher replys. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina. The woman started screaming, "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vagina!".
The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit".
The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vagina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my penis and insert it into your wife's vagina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my dick I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my penis out of your wife's vagina." The husband nodded and gave his approval.
The young lady said "Yes,yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey,inserted it into the young lady's vagina. After a few gentle strokes,the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper".
So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement, she began to moan and groan aloud, "Oh doctor, doctor!" she shouted. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself.
He then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises.
The husband, at this point, suddenly became very annoyed and shouted. "Now wait a minute, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" he blasted.
The doctor, still concentrating, replied:
"Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard!!"
One spring day, a fish was swimming about a foot below the surface of a lake and saw a fly hovering just out of striking distance.
The fish said to itself, "If that fly comes six inches closer, I'll jump up and have myself a meal." Just then, a bear on the shore of the lake looked up and said to itself, " If that fly gets any closer to that fish, the fish will jump up, and I'll catch the fish and have myself a meal."
As luck would have it, a hunter saw what was happening. He thought to himself, "If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, and I'll shoot the bear."
Just then, a rat was standing behind the hunter saying to itself," If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will lean over to grab the fish, the hunter will lean over to shoot the bear, and I'll grab the sandwich from the back pocket of the hunter.
However, unbeknownst to the rat, a cat was observing everything and thinking, "If that fly moves closer to the fish, the fish will jump, the bear will grab the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, the rat will grab the sandwich, and I'll snatch the rat."
At that very moment, the fly dropped a few inches, the fish grabbed the fly, the bear grabbed the fish, the hunter shot the bear, the rat grabbed the sandwich, the cat jumped, missed the rat and landed in the lake.
The moral of this story is:
If the fly drops six inches the pussy will get wet.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the stupidity in this story.
If 100 people your age were chosen at random, how many do you think you'd find leading a more satisfying life than yours?
Prostitution on your W-2
What if sex were a legitimate job to hold? Of course, in this utopian thought bubble, you'd have to assume total safety to the one working in such a field, be it from disease or any type of physical abuse. But that assumed, what if?
Surely having a strong sexual appetite would be a bonus. Then theres the excitement of wondering who you'll fuck next, or rather, who will fuck you
You could divulge in any sick, twisted or taboo fetish without upsetting your significant other. Further more, you could witness the ecstasy said fetish brings to the person who suggested it.
It would be interesting to experience a wide range of dick size, from the small and thin, to the thick and surprisingly large. Does size really matter? One working in such a profession could surely tell you, with all the proper research to back up such a study.
One would most assuredly feel like a goddess, having the power to excite so many. Who doesn't want to feel like a goddess?
I suspect it would be a primarily female workforce. What woman would go pay for sex, when she could just as easily get paid to satiate herself?
Think of the business cards. I think I would be cheeky and have my card read "A taste of the Good Wife", along with whatever other relevant information. I think I may already have a loyal customer base. If, of course, this utopian thought bubble exsisted.
But would I still be the Good Wife, if I held such a position? Would it be possible? Rick wouldn't approve of such nonsense. I don't think my conscious would either.
Would it be possible to make love anymore? Or would fucking all day long, take out the special connection between two lovers?
All the exciting new sexual experiences would have been wasted on strangers. What was once so sacred and special, will have been fucked away Monday through Friday with the red light special. Then what? Whats left?
Perhaps this utopian thought bubble needs tweaking.
Tell me thats not creepy, and you're lying.
*As adapted from Green Eggs & Ham*
That Silly Doof!
That Silly Doof!
I do not like that
Do you like Dr Seuss?
I do not like him,
I do not like Dr Seuss.
Would you like him here of there?
I would not like him
here or there.
I would not like him
I do not like
I do not like him,
Would you like him
in a house?
Would you like him
with a mouse?
I do not like him
in a house.
I do not like him
with a mouse.
I do not like him
here or there.
I do not like him
I do not like
I do not like him,
Would you like him
in a box?
Would you like him
with a fox?
Not in a box.
Not with a fox.
Not in a house.
Not with a mouse.
I would not like him here or there.
I would not like him anywhere.
I would not like Dr Seuss.
I do not like him,
So, in case you haven't gathered, I don't like Dr Seuss. My childhood was riddled with Seuss induced nightmares of grinches and whosits and whatever he called those scary creatures he imagined and that were forced down my throat as a young girl. My mom thought he was just wonderful, and recorded all the Seuss cartoons and bought all the books, exposing us to his psychodelic hellish creations. The man wasn't right.
Rick knows how much Dr Seuss scares me. Yes, he still does creep me out even now. So imagine my response when he came back from the library with our son, arms filled with Dr Seuss.
And I swear to God, I had a Seuss induced nightmare last night. Even from beyond the grave, this man's sick 'art' is reigning terror upon me.
Damn you Dr Seuss.
"Who says cigarettes aren't still sexy?" Wren thought to herself with a silent smile. She was lazily watching Quinn's back rise and fall while simultaneously watching his reflection in the dresser mirror beside the bed. Secretly she watched him over her arm covering her face lying stomach down on the bed. Her curly brown hair hiding her intent stare in layers of long locks covering her face.
Quinn's back was etched with tiny scars, paper thin ones that were more dominant in the summer when his upper body tanned from outdoor labor. She'd known him for 6 years. Longer than anyone else she could think of, and she still didn't know what had made those scars.
On his upper right shoulder was a small tattoo of a clover. The same tattoo was replicated on his right upper chest. His chest was clean of hair except around his nipples that were kissed brown inside the blonde hairs. A dusting trailed down his lower stomach to where it ended beneath a pair of green silk pajama bottoms. Well-toned yet thin arms resting elbows on well formed, wiry legs, his head bowed showing only the tips of his blonde short hair. Long fingers pressed to his temples, right hand holding a cigarette fresh lit.
He raised his face to the glowing stick, full lips taking the end between them. He had amazing olive green eyes. Wren could see them even in the dim lit room. His cheekbones were high like the natives of the land, and his nose turned up at the end like a mythical creature. He was always a wonder to observe. Especially in these late private moments when he crept into the house passing the boarding rooms and slipping inside the two rooms that made up Wren's entire universe.
She should let him know she was awake. He had come this time without dressing. She felt his coat's weight on the end of the bed, the slight damp from the cold making an odd feeling against the blankets. Something troubled him. His hands were shaking against his hair.
Slowly and stealthily she moved her hand across the bed reaching to touch his thigh. His leg tensed and released under his fingers as he looked over his shoulder into the dark blue eyes. They were so blue that most people thought they were black. Blue like a night sky. Tonight they were just how he loved them the most, quietly searching; full of what could be called love and most importantly acceptance.
Wren raised her upper body from the bed, slipping closer to her late night visitor. She ran her fingers over his jaw, and the light night stubble that was growing there. She used her other hand to slip the cigarette out of his hand and into the glass bowl beside the bed. Slipping her arms around his waist she guided him to the bed. Covering them both with the blankets and cradling his back to her stomach in a spoon.
Holding tightly to Quinn's waist, Wren stroked the hairs on his lower belly, her lips warming the skin of his shoulder blade. He was still shaking. Silence lulled the room, and Wren held tightly.
Slipping her hand below the loose green fabric, she circled her fingers around his warm limp shaft stroking it lightly. Slowly it awoke to her touch, filling her palm in its slow rhythm.
Quinn reached for Wren's hand, pulling it out of his pants and turning to lie facing her on his side. His arms pulling her close to his chest and holding her there in a long hug. Rolling her to her back and tucking his head into her neck where he sucked at the notch at the base of her throat. His hand tugging at the thin panties she was wearing.
She cradled him with her legs, raising her hips to let him slide down her underwear, then opening them around his thighs. He made a sound like a groan or the beginning of a sob. His face against her neck, she thought he might be weeping.
Moving under him, she shifted to where she could feel his arousal touching her mound. She stroked his back with her nails, a slow soothing trail back and forth. He sobbed again.
Leaning up on one elbow, he pulled down his pants, then settled between her legs again. His hardness grazing the close cropped mound of her sex. Wren put a hand in his hair, pulling his face to hers. Those deep blue eyes searching but not asking. Patience those eyes had. Loving those eyes showed. It was why he was here, what he needed.
He took her upper body in his arms, cradling her upper back as he covered her again. His cheek pressed against hers, he reached down and guided himself home.
She was not completely ready for him. The feeling hurt for an instance, and she let out a sharp cry holding still under him. He hadn't noticed. He was pressing himself into her in a continuous rhythm, driving towards something she could not see.
Her body recognized its lover and began to make a smoother entrance for him. Wren wrapped her legs high around his waist, and moved her hips to meet his own.
Holding to her shoulders, Quinn began to move harder inside of her. His movements more determined. She felt his fingers pressing into her skin in an urgency that she did not understand and his breathing became shallow. He buried his head in her shoulder, sucking on her collarbone the sobbing sound coming with his faster stride.
With the faster pace, he became frustrated. At what, Wren did not know. He was not himself tonight, her gentle lover. He seemed to be racing some inner demon and needed to find a way home. Love and a slight fear of this new sensation took over and she hung on, stroking his arms, his hair, and his sides.
Raising up, he reached for her knees, raising them higher, pulling her ankles up to his neck. With her feet locked around his head, he continued. In the new position, Wren could feel him tighter inside. He was burying himself completely each stride making her feel like his was bumping the very bottom of her. She could feel it in her throat when he ground home.
He was moving fast, on his knees on the bed, pressing her legs down over her own body, using the leverage to fuck fast. Her feet crossed behind his neck.
He couldn't see her face well enough, he needed to touch her breasts, he needed everything she could give him and he didn't know what to say. He pulled her up without breaking rhythm. Still buried inside of her, he pulled her up to sit astride of him on his knees in the bed. Holding her ass, he guided her on his cock, finding a new rhythm face to face.
Wren wrapped her arms around his neck, and used her new leverage to ride him as he held her up on his lap. They kissed. The first of the evening, and it seemed to speak volumes of what he couldn't say. There were no words, just the need. He loved her for understanding. He leaned down and sucked at her breasts.
She began to ride him in earnest, he felt her begin to change rhythm. The way she clung to his neck, her tongue lapped at his lips, and the tightness gripping him inside were all familiar to him. She was beginning to climax.
Aroused by the sensations he knew she was feeling, he held her around the waist, in a vice grip to his hips. They fucked fast with short strokes, clinging to each other as they met together in mutual release.
The last stroke, driving Wren over the edge, she cried out loudly before they crashed to the bed. He fell onto her, covering her body with his own. Both were spent, the tension released, and the inner race won. He lay there clinging to her. He loved the way she smelled. The clean smell of her skin, the tea herbs in her hair, the sweat clinging to her and mostly his smell on her own in the air.
He heard the old lady next door stirring in her room. Knew he had wakened her and there would be talk tomorrow in the boarding house. He didn't care. He didn't want to be careful anymore.
Wren loved feeling him on top of her. She held him there, her legs wrapped around him, her hands holding tight to his shoulders. His manhood slack lying against her thigh damp from their lovemaking. His tensions had been released. She could tell by the way he clung to her in the aftermath, she waited in silence for explanation.
He rolled to his side, and pulled her to him. Holding her tight to his chest and stroking her hair. His fingers twisted in the raven curls and soothed his mind.
She pressed her face to his chest, her head tucked under his chin. She waited. After a while of listening to her nosey neighbor, she felt the rumble in his chest when he said her name, "Wren..."She reached a hand up to stroke his jaw in answer. The stubble feeling textured and rough to her hand. She loved it that way.
"I want to sleep here tonight."
She looked up at him curiously. This was something he never did. He crept in late; they had kept themselves secret in the boarding house of nosey neighbors.
He met her eyes; "I need to be here." He kept looking at her, hoping she could just read his mind. She only stared. Blinking at him, studying him on one elbow at his side. "Wren, I need you with me. It's the only time I make sense. It's when I have peace."
Wren blinked at him again. Reaching up, she kissed him soft on the lips. He tried to explain more, but she held her mouth to his, kissing him slow.
Moving one leg high over his hip, she drew him to facing each other on their sides. This time she held him to her chest, while she stared out the opened bedroom door at the light under the crack of the door to the hall outside her rooms. She could see someone's feet there. Someone listening outside, hovering around in the hall waiting. Were they safe here? She wondered what it was that made him come to her like this in the night. She hoped that this time it was to stay. One night at a time, their first full night together. She was curious, but for this she was satisfied.
"Shhhh..." she cooed to him, stroking his hair. "Things will be alright." Somewhere in her heart, she knew that she wasn't lying.
Blog Whoring without that pesky, residual dirty feeling
I've been a bit lax in adding new blogs to my sidebar. No good reason, I've just been bad about it, so spank me if you deem it fit. ;)
Anyway, I have some blogs I intend to add that I'd like to make mention of here. This has brought forth good things in the past, wink wink, so lets hope for some more magic here.
...and thats why God hates kittens
: This blog used to have a redundant title, '...and thats why God hates baby
kittens'. I didn't say anything to the blogger, as he is a self proclaimed 'retard'. Funny blog, updated regularly and worth checking out for a laugh. Hes actually been on my sidebar for awhile now, so maybe you already read him...
: This blog is a true potpourri of topics, ranging from politics, to blog whoring, to daily going ons. Run by Kurt and updated regularly. Hes married with kids, so no hook up potential here! ;)
: Guess the name of this blogger. Go ahead, guess. I thought it was Tom too, but no, its BOB!! I like Bob. He is the first one that read between the lines on my affair post, and for that he holds a special place near my heart. ;)
: This blog is strangely addicting, if only to see whether or not the husband thinking of cheating will continue to be faithful to his wife. I don't like to hear of men OR women cheating on their spouses, I think it sucks. I understand that things can change in a relationship, and perhaps the pair can grow apart, but then you break up and move on. Cheating is lying and deceiptful and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. How many of you have been cheated on? And how shitty did you feel after the fact? This is why you don't cheat. Period. Maybe SFN is just frustrated and is lashing out by speaking of cheating. I don't know. Its not my place to judge, and I mean no hard feelings. Visit this blog and remind the boy not to cheat. ;)
Mr B's Blog
: Ahh Mr B. His curse words are censored, much like this, f***. That brings a smile to my face. :) He is a teacher in England, and has the scariest cat picture
I believe I have ever seen. I won't begin to recount the nightmares I had after seeing that image.
: Worth looking into. You may be surprised.
A beautiful letdown
: This blog is written by Bethanie, a college student in Ohio who is enjoying a ride on the love boat with too much credit to the Good Wife herself. ;) She is a doll, and after talking to her, I feel almost like shes a younger sister to me. Wish her luck on her coming adventures!
We plan....the universe giggles
: A true mommy blog. I love it. :)
: Ahhhh, Patrick! lol He writes erotic stories, and makes up funny poems/songs at the drop of a hat. Also, I know he would spank my hynie back in line, given the chance. Of course, his stories involve bdsm, as the title suggests.
Now, go forth and read!
"I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies!"
But nobody asked me, now did they?
We went out to dinner with Denise and Dave on Friday night at a nice new restaurant. Promptly after ordering our food, Denise's water broke. 6 weeks early. Aye yi yi!
I spent the night with her at the hospital, while Rick went home to take care of our son. At 7:23 am on Saturday morning, her teeny tiny little peanut was born at 4 lbs and 11 oz, 17 inches long.
Birth is an entirely different experience when its not you yourself doing the labor and delivery. The smell of blood was nearly overwhelming at times, and witnessing the human body at work like that....Well, it was something.
Mom and baby are doing wonderfully, and my weekend has been consumed with all things baby, trying to help Denise get her home ready for the early arrival and whatnot.
No time for sex posts. All together now, AWWWWWWW!!!
The Good Wife is TIRED!!!
In interesting news, being an undecided voter can be a good thing. Rick was invited and attended the debate last week. Lucky bastard.
So you missed me, huh? I love you guys. You will be duly rewarded.
Christopher Reeves died yesterday, on the off chance that you did not hear. Very sad. Will you still call him Superman? Because thats exactly what he proved to be.
A question for you
You have the chance to meet someone with whom you can have the most satisfying love imaginable- the stuff of dreams. Sadly, you know that in six months the person will die. Knowing the pain that would follow, would you still want to meet the person and fall in love? What if you knew your lover would not die, but would betray you?
I'll let you in on a little secret...
I'm a very healthy person. I excercise daily, I don't eat junk food, I rarely drink, and I don't smoke. Well, I used to smoke.
It was about three years ago when I got a batch of what I thought were bad cigarettes. Everything about them, the smell, the taste, the sight
made me sick. Dizzy and nauseas. I even tried switching brands, to no avail. It was strange. I couldn't be anywhere remotely close to cigarette smoke without feeling two steps from death. About a week later, I found out why they made me so ill. I was pregnant.
Funny how my body didn't let me smoke when I shouldn't. Kind of impressive, actually.
After our son was born, I was left home alone during the day to recooperate from the birth, take care of the baby, do the regular house chores and
pack up our house for the upcoming move. Saying I was stressed would be an understatement. I bought a pack of cigarettes and that was it. They helped me keep my sanity, and once the pack was empty, I was again done with smoking.
Fast foward to present day. Rick is working his ass off doing twelve hour shifts six days a week at work and training for a new position in the company that would give him a nearly fifteen thousand dollar a year raise. He is less than cordial when he gets home from work, crabby, tired and wondering whether or not hes going to get this promotion. Add to that the fact that we started the ever so fun chore of potty training our two and a half year old on Sunday, which by the way is not
Its stressful over here these days. And I gave in and bought a pack of cigarettes.
My last post
, which has brought me all the cheating wife accusation emails I was expecting, was not about a former lover. There was no man in that post at all. My affair was with a cigarette.
I expected that everyone would read it as an affair with a man. I was shocked when the first comment I got about it saw right through my 'smoke screen'. Heres that first comment from Bob
"Is this a riddle? You've hidden behind your house to have a cigarette, right? Naughty girl! "
Needless to say, my jaw dropped when I read that. lol I quickly erased it, to see if I had underestimated my readers or worse, overestimated my writing skills. ;)
One other person hinted at understanding the post:
At 6:01 PM
HHhhhmmmm... Good wife.. I've had that type of fleeting wonderful affair with some warm rich wonderful Cappucino. Really shouldnt have it.. so bad for me.. but so warming and fulfilling to all my senses. Geez lady, this could be a man or any one of a woman's loves in her life.. Chocolate, Coffee, A corndog from the vendor. You're good.
No, you're good. You and Bob both. Good on ya!
Now that you know the truth behind the post, it reads a bit different, doesn't it? :)
But if you'd rather imagine it as an amorous affair with some hot stud, then you go right ahead. I wouldn't blame you!
Not supposed to love you anymore...
Outside, behind the house and hidden by the wall of trees and shrubs, we've snuck off to be alone.
Its been ages since we've been together and I know we shouldn't.
You sense the anxiety I've been riddled with as of late.
"I'll take care of you. Don't worry. Just relax and let me put you at ease."
Its forbidden, but I let you in, believing that you would in fact calm me down. I feel a sharp sense of addiction to you, but its been so long....maybe just this once....
You're warm on my lips. My mouth encircles you.
You've relaxed me already.
I take in your scent, so taboo what we're doing, but I don't care.
Your warmth washes over my body, bringing with it a sea of goosebumps and tingling sensations from my head to my toes.
I can't believe you've persuaded yourself so easily into my mouth.
My tongue quickly brushes up against your tip.
It will be over soon.
"One last kiss. Suck me. Take me in."
I suck you, taking the last of you into my mouth, filling me to completion.
And just as quickly, you are gone.
I feel the lover's calm as I sit and reflect on what just happened.
I may never see you again. I know that I shouldn't.
But for a brief moment, it was as if you had never left.
Love is in the air for my blogging friends. I've gotten emails from eight different bloggers recently, either thanking me for somehow introducing them to their new 'love', or thanking me for rekindling something they had with their current 'love', or for opening the door of communication with a potential new 'love'. I love all the happy stories, so don't stop sending them! And to those venturing into unknown territory, best of luck! I expect lots of wedding invitations in my future! ;)
Dildo For Sale-Gently Used
Over the weekend, we made a few stops to a couple of garage sales as we ran errands. One particular sale will be etched in my memory forever.
It seemed like any other yard sale. Table of outdated clothes, impulse buys still in the boxes they came in, having never been opened. There were excercise gadgets and rusty tools. And a box full of sex toys.
A very large, black dildo was the main attraction in the box, complete with crusty layer of..... It was startling enough that these people had such a box on display, let alone the fact that they would even consider trying to sell USED toys. Add the yellowed film covering the items in the box and you have officially reached the puke factor.
There was also a large tube of lube, half squeezed out with dried gobs clinging to the cap. It was sure to be a steal at only twenty five cents.
There were fuzzy handcuffs, missing most of the fur, dildos in every color and shape imaginable, and even a sprinkling of cock rings that had long hairs tangled in them.
My eyes sought out the host of the garage sale, eager to see the sick deviant that had such a putrid collection on parade. What I saw was a little old lady, sitting in her rocking chair near the porch, sipping tea and smiling as her customers filed up the driveway, oblivious to the horror they would be soon to witness.
As I walked past her, headed back to my car, I could have swore I heard a mechanic buzzing coming from her. A vibrating bullet? Or imagination gone astray? I wonder if the exhibitionist granny sold any of her 'collection' that day...
How long has it been? A week? Longer? It feels like ages since hes touched me.
"Goodnight," he says, clicking off the lamp.
I want to reach out to him, to connect. But Sleep is sitting heavy ontop my chest, arms pinned beneath its lazy limbs. I give in too easily. My eyes obediently close, and I am hastily whisked off to walk the path to Slumber, Sleep tightly grasping the reins its wrapped around me.
His fingers trace up my leg, resting just below my hip.
Sleep slips away.
Nuzzling closer to me, his hand finds my mound.
Desire shows her wanton face. We've been distant these days, but she is quick to embrace me.
He makes slow, circular movements. His mouth kisses my shoulder.
I feel a knot growing ever tighter, from my lips to deep in my tummy. It feels as though a satin ribbon is tied around the rosebud of my clitoris and is being tugged by an unknown force, deeper and more insistantly from deep within my core. The anticipation is nearly painful.
His speed, moments earlier quickened, now slow down to a delicate stroking.
"No! Don't stop!," I want to tell him. But Patience nibbles those words before they can be heard. She is wise in her ways and in refraining me has drawn out my pleasure.
Again his fingers move with purpose, dancing atop my lips and thumping a pleasant beat upon my clit.
I feel a rythmic throbbing building up from the pit of my belly. The tightly knotted ribbon is beginning to come loose.
More pressure as he feverishly rubs me. He knows by my writhing that I'm soon to burst.
The knot explodes, ribbon remnants being washed away with the sea of movement that rushes through me. I feel as though I am melting into the bed, numb to everything around me, consumed entirely by the selfish enjoyment.
His fingers try to touch me there. I twist away.
Just one more moment of anesthetized contentment....
I can feel his hardness against my thigh.
Desire runs her delicate fingers along my body. Sleep is not far away, I can feel its presence looming near.
He climbs on top of me, quickly thrusting himself in and out of my pussy.
Deep, throaty moans spill from my lips. I feel drunk in the moment.
He grunts before coating my insides with his seed. My walls swallow him, drinking him up.
Sleep is back, pushing him off of me to resume its seat upon my chest. This time I follow it willingly, satiated and ready for Slumber.