The Good Wife's Guide

Purports to be an extract from a Home Economics textbook of the early 1950's entitled The Good Wife Guide. The part up to [*] is supposed to have appeared in Housekeeping Monthly dated 13 May 1955 under the heading 'The Good Wife's Guide.'

If this doesn't make you giggle, or spit out your Diet Coke in disbelief, then I don't know what will. :)

"Be a good wife. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready for his return from work. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.


Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up school books, toys, papers etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables. During the colder months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.


Make the evening his. Never complain if he arrives home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late for dinner, or even stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise this will with fairness and truthfulness. [*] When he has had a chance to have his evening meal, clear the dishes and wash up promptly. If your husband should offer to help decline his offer as he may feel obliged to repeat this offer and after a long working day, he does not need the extra work.


Encourage your husband to pursue his hobbies and interests and be supporting without seeming to encroach. If you have little hobbies yourself try not to bore him speaking of these, as women's interests are often rather trivial compared to men's.


At the end of the evening tidy the home ready for the morning and again think ahead to his breakfast needs. Your husband's breakfast is vital if he is to face the outside world in a positive fashion. Once you have both retired to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to wait for the bathroom as he would for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look which is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face cream or hair rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night. When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband, it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it.


In all things be led by your husband's wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then accept humbly, all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's. When he reaches his moment of fulfillment, a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had. Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices, be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent.
It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep, so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply night time and hair care products. You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes. "

Funny how this practice didn't seem to stick around. I wonder why.....

Perhaps according to the Good Wife's guide, I should have been spanked for burning that roll last night. Hmmm....... Why does that thought not upset me? =0) 

The offending roll, already cremated and now resting in peace. 

"My biscuits are burning! My biscuits are burning!"

Rick was working late last night, and I had my dinner in the oven as my son and I folded laundry and awaited Daddy's arrival.

Everything was hunky dory until about twenty minutes into the baking time when I faintly noticed a burning smell coming from the kitchen. I knew the food had at least another twenty minutes to cook, so I thought little of it. Yes, I realize how ill thought out that was. Another ten minutes go by, and the burning smell hasn't gotten worse, but it also hasn't gone away. I finally decide to peek inside the oven.

Clouds of black smoke billow out, surrounding my head and filling my lungs taking my breath away. Smoke detectors, three to be exact, start screeching as I try to fan away the smoke to see what may have caused this rude interruption to my casserole's bake time.

Sitting in the middle of the oven floor sat a sad, smoking little roll, apparantly left over from Thanksgiving dinner. I suppose he attempted freedom just as I removed the rest of his family from the warm cave to be devoured by the savages that were my Thanksgiving guests. His attempt at freedom gave him a slow, smoky death. Better than being eaten alive? Maybe.

So the house is filled with stinky smoke, the guilty party now sitting, charred and smoking in the sink as I open the kitchen window and attempt to clear the house of the offending black fog.

Someone starts pounding on the door and my son tries to answer it, saying something that I can't hear over the screechy song of the smoke detectors.

Its my neighbor, phone in hand. "I'm calling the fire department! Are you okay? Get out of the house!!" She starts to dial.

"No, no! Don't call the fire department, I've got everything under control. Just a little burned dinner."

She eyes the smoke slithering out the doors and windows, and for a moment, it seems as though she'll ignore my explanation and call in the brigade anyway. But alas, she turns off her phone and begins to retreat back to her house. Of course, her nosey little head was poked through her curtains watching our house for signs of fire, probably with phone in hand and ready to dial for help.

When Rick got home, she met him outside to tell him what happened.

"That smoke is not healthy for that baby of yours to be breathing in! I'm just scared to death that you'll all die from smoke inhalation in your sleep!"

Rick assured her that he would clear the house of any residual smoke, and that we would all be fine. She just shook her head, knowing that she did the right thing in warning us, and certain that we would all die in the night.

I'm happy to report that we all survived the smokey dinner rolls last attempt at freedom. May his doughy soul rest in peace.

Journalism at its finest

Bob leaves no stone unturned. Click this for his Thanksgiving day report.

Last Call

Okay, as promised, this is the last week to get your requests in for a Christmas card. Again, nothing fancy, just a simple little holiday card from me to you. I want to also encourage anyone whos interested but lives outside of the states to go ahead and drop me a line with your request. As of right now, its still feasible to mail the few requests I have for foreign land. My email is goodwife@gmail.com .

The card is work/family/children safe, and despite popular demand, will have no nude photos or racy messages. Sorry. :)

TGIM

I never thought I'd say it, but thank God its Monday! Whew!

The relatives and friends have finally all trickled away. I called Denise Wednesday night and basically just told her that I had made plans to be with just her and was disappointed that she had changed the plans without asking me. I also told her that I couldn't go out with her guilt free, should she decide to bring her baby. I'd feel terrible if she got sick just so we could get some cheap deals. That really seemed to close the discussion, and I was glad.

We had a white Thanksgiving. Yes, snow. How odd. Dinner went off without a hitch, everyone ate until near bursting, and there was still tons of food left over, so Friday afternoon was spent making up sandwiches and little individual meals to be dropped off at the food shelter.

Our home is decked out in all things Christmas now, no signs of the harvest celebration just days earlier. On a shopping trip to Lowe's to pick up a few decorations, we ended up in the drapery aisle, browsing through the panels and finding a set that just happened to match the comforter I had just bought. On top of that, they were very thick, which would do a good job blocking out the light from our neighbors pesky spotlight that just happens to shine directly into our bedroom. Some matching valances and one hundred dollars later, they were ours.

Their light blocking was even better than we had hoped, making our bedroom a virtual cave, the only light source being from the now obnoxiously bright alarm clock.

I was excited at the thought of blind love making, not being able to see Rick, but only to anticipate his movements. But the darkness did something to my brain, and quickly zapped any energy I had, leaving me a warm, life size love doll for Rick.

I wanted to move, I wanted to participate, but the bed was so soft and the dark fooled my eyes into thinking they were already closed, inviting sleep to take over.

This may have worked out well for Rick, as I doubt I would have let him concentrate only on my ass had I been awake and in control.

His tongue was warm and wet between my cheeks. He climbed up, straddling me as I lay lazily on my belly, his hand guiding his cock onto the slicked hole. He was deep inside very quickly, grunting and moaning as he fucked my ass, fingers kneading the flesh surrounding his cock.

He was soon finished, kissing my neck and running his fingers up and down the length of my back.

Next thing I knew, it was morning. The room was still very dark, not washed out in morning light as it usually is. We had overslept, and our son was inevitably hungry, both for breakfast and for his parents undying attention.

Not quite sure yet, if the curtains are a blessing or a curse. Great for sleep, not so great for extracurricular activities. But then, perhaps I was just overly exhausted from my long weekend of entertaining guests and early bird shopping....

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! Sorry to be sparse in posting yesterday and today, and inevitably tomorrow, but I'm hosting Thanksgiving dinner tonight for nearly thirty guests. Needless to say, I've been elbow deep in turkey, stuffing, and all things pumpkin. lol

There is so much to be thankful for this year, as I'm sure many of you relate. I want you guys to know that I'm thankful for all of you who come visit me on this blog. I've made some wonderful friends, and met some interesting people along the way, and hope to continue doing so for quite some time.

Have a wonderful holiday, and have second helpings of lovin' if you're up to it. You'll surely make someone thankful for that. ;)

Turkey hugs & Pumpkin kisses
xoxo

Ugh

Denise asked to join me on my early morning shopping trip on Friday. I asked if she intended to have Dave stay at home and babysit, to which she replied, 'yes'. Today I get this email:

"sounds good, we will have the escort thogh, that way dave has the car seat, but we might stop by the house once the stores open, because dave want's to go with us. And i don't trust him with emily by himself for hours, he has a very hard time changing diapers. lol. I've got coffee, and i've got french vanilla, and chocolate creamer to put in it if your interrested. what time do you want me to pick you up? where do you get the adds, there wasn't anything in the sunday paper? I can't wait. I just thought, dave could sit in the car with emily, while we wait in line, or better yet, we can sit in the car with emily, and he can freeze his ass off. lol. he was really upset when i asked him to stay home. he's a wierd man, he loves to shop. anyway, let me know and ill be there."

Okay, first and foremost, the spelling and punctuation!! Ow! It drives me absolutely insane to see an email so poorly put together. I feel like grabbing for the red pen and correcting it all before I can get to the second point that aggravates the hell out of me.

This shopping trip was supposed to be girls only. No husbands, no kids, just us. I don't want to be crammed in her little car with her desperate husband and four week old cranky baby from the wee hours of the morning until God knows when. I know, I'm a party pooper.

And what man wants to throw himself in the middle of the craziest shopping day of the year? I mean, seriously. Is she kidding me? He wants to go shopping. I don't think so.

It also bothers me when she says that she doesn't trust Dave to stay at home and watch their baby by himself. I had no problem trusting Rick. Granted, things were done differently than I would have done them, but men aren't stupid, and I'm quite positive he would be capable of babysitting for a few hours.

Now I need to decide how to tackle this problem. Right now I'm just mostly annoyed at her bait and switch technique. I don't think I'll tell her about the super cool Target wake up call. Its a severe punishment, but we can't have her repeating this type of behavior. lol

Note: Denise has no trouble reading/writing, and does not have a learning disability. Of course, I would be sensitive to such a situation, and never would have griped about it. She is just lazy in her emails, and that is what drives me insane. Also, I love Denise like a sister, and am always perplexed when someone misinterprets our relationship for a sour one.

This morning, as I discussed this situation with my mom, she too brought up the risk factor for bringing the baby out in the crowds. I don't know why I hadn't thought of it, but that seems the obvious reason not to take her out. Thanks for all who suggested this very reason. Good on ya.

Also, as I said before, I am certain that Dave is perfectly capable of caring for his own child. It irritates me that she would suggest otherwise.

Sounds like I could have some excellent company shopping, if only I lived near any of you lovely ladies who offered! lol Just leave the kids and hubbies at home please! :)

Thanks for all the advice! I'll let you guys know what I finally end up doing.

Wake up call

Okay, I know I'm not the only Black Friday shopper out there, so for those who may be interested, Target has a neat wake up call service for Friday and Saturday morning. You can have Ice T, Cheech, Darth Vader, etc call to get your heiney out of bed. Click this to sign yourself up. Then tell me who you chose to wake you. :)

Blog Whoring Finds

I get alot of people writing me and asking for a link to their site. Whats funny is how some of these people ask. "Couldn't help but notice the heavy traffic on your site. could you link to me?" End of email. No, 'hi, how are ya?' No conversation or niceties, just link me. My answer? Well, you won't find their links here, if thats what you mean. lol

Generally though, I don't like people asking me for a link. I think thats kind of tacky, with the exception of a few good blogger friends who I'll exempt from the rule. If I like you, if I read your site and enjoy myself, then you'll get a link without having to ask for one.

Now, don't get me wrong here. There are plenty of blogs that I read that are not in my sidebar. I'll blame laziness and memory loss for that. There are blogs that I've been meaning to link to for months that I've yet to add. I loathe opening up my blog template, having all that garbled html staring back at me. I can only take so much before my eyes begin to cross and I get sick of typing code. All in good time though, I promise.

Also, if you have a blog exclusively dedicated to extramarital affairs, cheating on your spouse, planning to cheat on your spouse, or cheating with somebody else's spouse, chances are that I won't link to you. I have, I believe, one exception to that in my links, and he has such a way with words that though I hate what he does and says, I can't be mad at him.

I'm a married woman who loves my husband dearly, and it would be the end of me if he ever had the cliche' 'cheating blog'. I choose not to further fuel those people's blogs. That said, one of my blog whoring finds has questionable content, but more on that in a bit.

New Blogs to read:

Straightfoward Thoughts : You all remember Greg from his smartass comments back and forth with Bob. lol Sweet guy with adorable kids and a great sense of humor. Hes a keeper.

Sweltering Celt : This girl and I have exchanged a few emails here lately, only to find that our similarities are downright spooky! lol You may also recognize her as a reviewer on Freddy & Eddy. Lots of good female point of view perspective, which always makes for a good read.

Eyerocker : Hilarious! This site is endlessly funny. You will not leave his site without a smile on your face. Hes also a very sweet guy, though its tough to tell through his blog. ;)

Wicked Passion : Another new blog, this one focusing around a twenty something girl "exploring life to the fullest". Her writing reminds me of one of my closest girlfriends, and therefore, makes me feel like I'm sitting down and catching up on all the gossip. Love it.

Used Car Sales : So not a new blog. lol I've been meaning to add this for ages. Robert has a no shit attitude and very frankly tells you how it is. I sense a bit of a softie deep beneath the crusty exterior though, whether he likes to admit it or not. lol He also seems to be the only one who followed my link over to the other Robert's knee slappin, kitty blog. Whats wrong with you people? lol

Classifed Blog : This is the blog I'm on the fence about linking to. Whats interesting, is that this guy has another blog, a live journal that appears to be the Dr Jekyl counterpart and 'Classifed Blog' appears to be his Mr Hyde. On his live journal, he is so happy and positive its nearly obnoxious-I mean that in the nicest way. On his blog, hes a bit dark, not to mention having an affair with his friend's wife. What?! Very odd, and completely unexpected if you read both journals, but unfortunatly, they are to be kept separate. Not sure you could appreciate the irony without the comparison....

I've had all the html I can take for the day. Enjoy.

Times running out

Next week will be the last reminder to email me your home/work address to get a Christmas card from me.

If you're interested, my email is goodwife@gmail.com .

Photo Hosting

What do you guys use for photo hosting? I've always used Hello! as it was simple to use. Important for a technologically challenged person such as myself.

One of the nice guys that works over at Zoto, emailed me asking me to check out their site for possibly hosting my photos. Great, but *blushing* I'm embarrassed to say that I couldn't figure out how exactly to use their system.

So whats good out there, and whats easy to use? lol Or, if Mr Zoto man reads this and wants to offer his assistance, I'm all ears. :)

Hungry

I'm feeling hopelessly, insatiably horny. Every breath that I take in, only seems to fuel the desperate yearning.

Rick is working late today. It will be several hours before hes home to quench me.

My mind is filled with naughty thoughts, each one more exciting than the last.

I want to be naked and rub oil on my body, skin drinking in the mositure, body drinking in the pleasure of the sensation, slicked and ready for anything that may come my way.

I want to be spanked, bitten, and pinched. Red hot skin, branded by my lover, will remind my eyes of the delectable sensations as the tingling dims and makes room for more.

I want to model for the camera. To have a photo of my lips on his cock, his load on my tongue, my swollen breasts with erected nipples. I want to pose as he tells me, doing anything he asks.

I want to be talked dirty to. I want him to call me his dirty little whore and to be told to suck him as he holds my head by my hair. I want to see the dirty snicker on his face as he orders me to do as he sees fit.

I want to talk dirty to him too. I want to tell him to fuck my pussy, that his dick feels so good. "Fuck me! Fuck me!"

I want to fuck. To be fucked. I want it all.

I feel like a cat in heat.

10 more hours until Rick gets home. Feel my pain.

Tell Me

Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire; after saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be?

I'm listening

Comments are back, so feel free to whisper sweet nothings as you see fit. No bullshit though, okay? That'd be great. Should problems once again arise, I may remove comments and add a forum as suggested by a dear friend. This would have moderators to help me weed out the monkeys. Hopefully a few of you may be willing to volunteer for such a position, but I'm certain it won't come to that, right loves? Okay then.

Carry on.

'Tis Humpday

Room Girls Pt 3

What the hell is he doing with that thing? Veevie propped herself up on the footboard of the ornate bed, her breasts bouncing in one perfect spring as she adjusted her stance again.

She was sitting naked at the end of the bed, her legs wide open, and her pink tipped toes sticking out on either side of the odd man resting himself against the headboard.

He was in her room for the evening. He had checked in an hour ago, walking in with a laptop under his arm. He was wearing a nice cut suit; a camel color that complemented his caramel colored skin. His black hair was neatly trimmed, and his nails were trimmed and clean. Veevie always noticed nails. She could tell what kind of lover was sharing her room by the look of his nails. This one had his done by a professional. She had smiled to herself when she had noticed them. Sitting on the sling backed settee that had inspired many an erotic moment wearing her silk robe and white stockings, she couldn’t help but thinking about how he had two things taken care of professionally at the resort.

He had a day’s growth of beard, his only flaw to his good looks, and somehow that seemed to add to him as well. Sometimes, Veevie, thought to herself, sometimes she got to entertain a smooth looker.

He had paid her no attention. Seemed to be occupied with something, as the large boulder of men Mr. A and Mr. B brought in his luggage. She had straddled the settee, the silk tie of the robe tangling between her legs while the rest of it slipped behind her tanned thighs to cover her ass. That silk tie was the only cover maintained over her shaved petals. She leaned down, her breasts peeping out of the large opening of the robe. Wetting her red full lips, she had twirled a loose lock of blonde hair around her finger giving him a coy smile.

That look had gotten her extra tips under the pillow, and quite a reputation, but this gentleman didn’t seem to notice. Maybe he was a stockbroker, some salesman, a banker- from his clothes he could be one of those. She changed positions, lying on the settee, rubbing it like a cat rubs your leg, her ass curved in the air, showing her lace stockings. Money pose number two, and still no response. She frowned, maybe he was gay.

He had taken off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves and loosened his tie. While taking off his shoes he turned and looked at her. Dark eyes that took her all in like she was part of the window treatment then back to his tie. “Get undressed, come to me on the bed,” his accent was English, crisp, clear and informative.

Veevie stood up and undressed herself slowly, walking in her most saucy stride towards her guest. She reached out to unbutton his shirt but his hand stopped her. “That won’t be necessary.”

An hour later, Veevie was sitting at the foot of the bed watching the odd man. He was sitting with his back to the headboard, feet stretched out in front of him on either side of her hips. As instructed, she sat between his feet at the foot of the bed, naked with her legs open, her toes on either side of his thighs. On his lap was the laptop computer. He hadn’t stopped typing since they had sat down.

Once she had tried to run her foot up his thigh. The hand again stopped her and she was told, “that won’t be necessary.”

Arching her back, her long blonde hair falling over the footboard, she stretched herself like a feline and let out a pert exhale of breath, the squeak of a sex kitten. He studied the screen some more.

Veevie had seen many things in her last 6 months as a Room Girl. She had had many requests, fulfilled many fantasies, faked a few ecstasies for the satisfaction of her guests, and made quite a reputation of her suite in her new life. She had been tied up, held up, felt up, mounted, stuffed, and doubled many times. One time she even let a man’s mother watch her and give him advice while fucking her doggie style in a nurse’s uniform. She’d done a little of it all, but she had never been ignored.

She liked attention, and he just was not helping her in that department. Why did he pay for her suite for the evening if he wasn’t even going to look at her? A fucking poodle could sit at the foot of the bed.

“My name is Eugene Levy,” the man said, breaking Veevie’s tirade in her mind. He hit the keys on the computer with two crisp strokes and studied her over the top of the laptop. “I am a writer, have you heard of me?”

Veevie rolled her head to one side, stretching out a cramp and watching his eyes. His tone was crisp, professional, like he was giving a lecture at a college, not talking to a Room Girl naked and sitting wide open at the end of a bed. Eugene Levy…that name did sound familiar.

“Ah, yes, perhaps not,” he made a smirk of a smile then addressed himself back to his computer. “I am finishing some pieces for my next collection. I am on a tight schedule you see, and need to make sure that these are good works.”

He looked over the computer to the blonde vixen at the foot of the bed. He had worn her down to caustic boredom. She looked wearily at him, her pouty lips and sparkling come-hither eyes growing dull from the lack of attention he was giving her. He tried not to smile. Spoiled little harlot was not used to being ignored.

“I’m going to read to it to you, a rare treat. I am very private about my work. It is important that you do not interrupt me, nor, ah, charm me until I finish.”

Veevie sat up and looked him in the eyes, over the top of the computer. She blinked her large eyes twice and made an innocent face, “no touchie?” She pouted and reached for his groin under the warm computer base.

The hand came down to remove hers, “that won’t be necessary.”

She very ungracefully plopped back onto the edge of the bed.

“In pose please,” he reminded.

Veevie opened her legs, bucking her hips up to adjust her back against the footboard then set down again.

Eugene Levy began to read, “Morgan had watched her for about two weeks. Her bedroom window was across the alley of his small flat. He had been watching her undressing, her naked body gauzed by the thin curtain every night. Some evenings he enjoyed her touching herself as she sat on the stool of her vanity. Some evenings he watched this reoccurring male touching her on the stool of her vanity, touching her across the end of the bed, and once in the window her bare ass pressed onto the open portal. All the while he had touched himself, and fantasized of the time when he would taste her.”

Veevie’s attention became peeked. She felt a stir in her body thinking about the peeping tom. Eugene’s voice was low and seductive too, adding to the sensation making her breast feel tingly. She had the urge to touch it.

“He studied her routine, learned her goings and comings, even began nodding to her on the street. All the while he watched and waited, for his opening.

“It came in the form of her missing cat in the alley. He heard her calling for the yellow animal while he lifted weights on the balcony. Wiping the sweat from his back with the shirt around his neck, he slipped down the fire escape to offer his assistance. He found the cat in no time. Sitting under the box he had put it in earlier behind the dumpster. She was so grateful she invited him in.

“When they entered the apartment she offered her gratitude for his help. He accepted it by pressing her against the wall in the foyer, he hand going into her shirt to squeeze her right breast, as he pressed her into a hard open kiss.

“She pushed at him, trying to get away, but he held firm and continued his caress of her breasts, pulling the bud between two fingers until it betrayed her protest and became erect in his hand.”

Veevie listened with silent intent, before she realized it, her hand had gone to her right breast and was pulling the nipple into firm attention. Her hands were making her restless on the bed.

It felt so good; she used both hands one on each breast, shifting her rear as she became aroused.

Eugene felt her move and hid his smile, he could see her playing with her breasts, and it wouldn’t be long before she reached for those thighs. He read on, “He slid a thigh between her legs, moving up to take her off balance. She rode his thigh, her toes barely touching the floor. She balled her hands in fists to hit at him, then quickly clung to him before she fell to the floor. It was what he had planned. He moved his mouth down to kiss her ear. His hands ripped her shirt from her, the buttons flying across the room. She wasn’t wearing a bra, he knew she wasn’t, he had watched her dress to go downstairs. She wasn’t wearing panties either. Under those trousers was a smooth bare pussy that he planned to possess in due time.

“He bit her ear, his hands rough pulling at her nipples and told her he had been watching her all this time. He replayed for her all the dirty details he had seen and what he wanted to do to her for teasing him all this time. His hand pulled open her trousers during this discussion and he thrust two fingers inside her shaved lips. She was wet for him, and he knew that she had known he was watching all this time.”

Veevie was becoming involved in the story. She closed her eyes and pictured herself as the girl in the flat being pinned to the wall. Without realizing it her left hand began to stroke up and down her own thigh. Her thumb reaching to pull at the petals of her own pussy, a slick wetness seeped out, inviting her fingers to come inside.

“Morgan led her to the sofa where he sat down pulling her between his legs onto her knees. She was instructed to undress herself and him, then her face was pulled down to suck him for a time. He fucked her face like a pussy. Holding her head to his groin and making her stroke herself all the while. She was on all fours, a hand fucking her own pussy, the other holding her up while he used her hot little mouth to cool his desire. He wanted her this way, pleasuring him while doing what she thought no one saw her doing in her private time.”

Veevie’s fingers had found her clit. They were moving back and forth in a slow, insistent motion, making her squirm even more. She was picturing her own mouth lapping at the hard cock, feeling her own hand touching herself, not noticing that her own hand really was pressing her into passion.

“He rose suddenly, falling onto her and bending her to take her from behind. Pressed between the sofa and the coffee table, he fucked her doggie style, using her breast as love handles. She moaned when he worked a finger into her ass and told her to keep touching herself while he took her from behind.”

Veevie’s pussy was becoming more needy. She slipped two fingers inside her wet hole, and worked them in and out as her thumb stroked the hard nub left behind. She was hot, and aroused to aching. This professional straight talking Englishman was driving her out of her mind with his unexpected perverted tale. She listened to the story, the woman was stroking herself into climax and Veevie felt that she wouldn’t be so far behind. She didn’t know if this would be something her guest wanted, and tried to restrain her urges for awhile.

The story went on. Veevie slowed her hand in her pussy but with great restraint. Eugene Levy described the woman’s release as she was taken from behind, her spanking punishment from cumming without Morgan’s permission, and her new position facing the bedroom window naked as she was taken again from behind.

Veevie sucked on her bottom lip, squirmed mercilessly at the end of the bed, and fought against her own hand that was taking on a mind of its own. She managed to remove her hand when the couple in the story rested on the windowsill for a time. However on the next paragraph, the girl was being eaten properly by Morgan as she sat at her vanity as he had seen her so many times. Listening to the details of his sucking lips on her clit drove Veevie wild.

She plunged her fingers against her swollen clit, hard this time. Rubbing fast and forcefully. She rocked her hips up off the bed and cried out loudly when the spiral burst inside. She shook the bed with her rocking, her screams of self-pleasure drowning out the story that was still being read at the time.

When he finished reading his works, she was a crumpled mess with her own wetness seeping onto the blankets running down her thighs. She looked at him with a wanton madness. A tigress waiting to pounce at any time.

Eugene Levy closed the lid to the laptop. He folded his small glasses and put them back into his pocket with a smile. “Well, that was a good ending. A good read, I thought, this time.”

Veevie was breathing heavily. She wanted him to fuck her. She needed him to fuck her or she was going to go out of her mind. Her body racked from her own touch, her own orgasms making her crave the feeling of a firm hard penis ramming deeply inside.

He got off the bed; she stood on her knees in its center, watching him as he packed his laptop back into its case. She reached for his pants as he put on his coat and straightened his tie. She gripped his belt, trying to loosen it and get to what was inside.

The hand reached down and pulled her away. He took a small book from his coat and sat it on the table. With a pen he signed the inside.

Veevie watched him, and made a move to touch him again. This time she felt the long outline of him down his thigh. Semi hard and inviting to her passion filled mind. He pushed her away and placed the book by her side, “that won’t be necessary.” He left the room, whistling, his computer at his side.

Veevie watched him leave, then down at his picture on the back of the book. She turned over the volume in her hand; “The Perversions of the Perverted by Eugene Levy” scrolled the jacket across a picture of an open folding rose. On the inside he had written. “To Veevie in room 213, thanks for the professional feedback---Gene.”

Simply Irresistable

The attire was far less than impressive- a black, soft cotton camisole/panty set, hair pulled back in a loose ponytail, and the days makeup already erased with Noxema. Hands smelling like Palmolive and dryer sheets, I fed the dog and headed upstairs to the bedroom to sort through the freshly tumbled dry laundry.

When he walked into the room, he stopped and watched as I folded socks, a sly smile spreading across his face.

"What?" I asked.

He just shook his head and watched me as I emptied the wicker basket. As I walked past him to set the basket in the hallway, he snagged me with the crook of his arm, pulling me tightly against him.

"You look sexy in your little top."

I laughed as his hair tickled my neck and he inhaled deeply.

"Mmmm...You smell good too."

If anything at all, I smelled domesticated. There was no Chanel, or White Diamonds, or any other fragrant bouquet resting on my skin. Only household cleaners, freshners and Noxema. Not a regal fragrance in the bunch.

But to him I smelled lovely.

His tight grip soon picked me up and carried me to the bed. He laid me down with such delicate softness, I almost felt as if I were still floating in his arms.

He shed his clothes in a pile at the foot of the bed before climbing up and bathing my skin with his tongue.

His hardness slid up my thigh and rested on the fabric of my panties, where I felt him pulsing against my sex as his fingers pinched my nipples and his tongue traced the curve of my neck.

A tiny thrust forced the fabric between my lips, soaking up my juices and taunting me with his gesture.

Soon his mouth was on those panties, lapping up the bounty before pulling them off and diving even deeper for more.

When I could stand the wait no longer, when my desire nearly overcame me, he entered. I wrapped my legs around his waist, locking behind his back and began to grind with him as he dove deeper and deeper into my depths.

Oh, the pleasure!

He melted inside of me, myself still tightly wound around him, his cock pulsing within.

He looked at me with those gorgeous blue eyes as though I were the most irresistable, delectable creature he had ever laid his eyes on. And in the light of those loving eyes, thats exactly how I felt.

Fat Inbox

I had 378 emails waiting for me this morning, from readers of my humble little blog. Wow. Thank you, each and every person who took the time to write me a note. I'm in the process of answering them all, which I will do, but its proving harder than expected, as Rick has ROYALLY fucked up the computer. Pages are taking several, like twenty, minutes to load, if they even choose to load at all. *sigh* Makes things a little hard on me.

You know that little saying, "A clean house is the sign of a broken computer"? Well, AMEN! I can atest to that. lol I was on my hands and knees most of the day yesterday, not for fun unfortunatly, but scrubbing floors. Rick threatened not to fix the computer at all, when he saw how much energy I burned off at making the house immaculately clean. Perhaps thats the reasoning in having the computer run so shittily.....No. Its his thinking that he knows what the hell hes doing. So aggravating. I want my computer back to normal!

I plan to continue blogging, should the computer allow it. I already miss my comments. Someone wrote to me speaking of the grand sense of community I have here at my blog, through the comments. That is what I hope to have back very soon. I've met the most wonderful people that way, and you guys always have something very interesting to say. Meanwhile, feel free to email me any comments or questions. I promise to answer them all, just keep in mind that my computer is being difficult.

I also have some more Gmail invites, should anyone be interested.

Take care, loves!
xoxo

goodwife@gmail.com

Update

Funny thing about blogging. Its not a job, and is not something one is required to do. Just a fun little hobby to pass the time and meet new people. I have made lots of wonderful friends through my experience of blogging, and never thought that I would have to make a post like this.

You may notice that comments have been turned off. A nasty comment/threat was made against my family. My family?? Thats where I draw the line. All stupid arguments aside, theres just nothing cute or funny about making threats to someone, even through the 'anonymity' of cyberspace.

I'm feeling angry and upset right now.

Note: In an attempt to fix our crappily running computer, Rick will be clearing the hard drive tonight. If you don't hear from me in awhile, rest assured that I didn't marry a computer whiz. Take care. xoxo

Tsk, tsk!

Sometimes temptation gets the best of us. Click here.

Superstar!

My love for reading and writing started early and really started to blossom in grade school. I wrote elaborate stories and enjoyed making up fantastic fantasy worlds and telling my classmates all about them. I was very social, and my creativity was appreciated by everyone. Everyone, that is, except for my teacher.

She mistook everything I said and wrote as outright fibs, labeling me a compulsive liar. As a young child just learning to take the reins of inspiration and running with them, this was confusing to me. The person responsible for sparking my imagination was instead trying to put it out.

On one parent/teacher meeting with my mother, she brought up her concerns, quoting one specific lie that she thought was just absolutly ridiculous.

"Your daughter has been telling the class that shes been in movies that her uncles make and that air on television." She laughed as she waited for my mother's reaction.

My mom smiled and answered, "Well, thats true."

Silence.

It was true. My uncles thought they had brilliant movie ideas that just had to be seen by the public, and so I, along with my sister and other relatives, starred in these movies that aired on public tv. They even had a television show, on public tv mind you, that aired every Saturday afternoon.

The movies sucked, but that aside, I was a local tv star. :)

I've made my way into another movie recently, and didn't even know about it until yesterday.

I spent the evening at Denise's house, visiting with her and the baby. Of course, she broke out the birth tape, insisting we watch it. Now, I knew I was in it, as I was there for the birth. But what struck me as funny, was that every single following scene, after I had left and then their home movies of her first bath, tour of the nursery, etc was filmed while Denise was talking to me on the phone. I watched the baby's first bath as I heard a familiar conversation that we had had only weeks earlier. The nursery tour had background noise of her laughing at my jokes and asking me about my son. In some form or another, I was in every scene of their home movie.

Wow.

Let me tell you, I felt special. Loved. Like family. We truly are best friends, like sisters even, but this was just a wonderful reminder that I am loved. Its easy to forget how important your friends are.

Per your requests on this fine Humpday morning...

Room Girls Pt 2


"My husband won this trip playing high stakes poker in Vegas," Julia said. She was trying to make idle chit chat to take her mind off of what she was about to do.

Her conversation buddy, the tall red head in the wrap around skirt never looked at her. She was shifting hangers in the closet of Julia's hotel suite looking for something appropriate for Julia to wear for her evening. The hangers made a screeching clash as they slammed against each other. For a long moment it was the only sound in the room.

"He's usually very lucky at cards," Julie chimed in again, tilting her head up the way she did in her Women's Society meeting's or at the Country Club luncheons for Women. It was the calculated face she used to hide her emotions. Add a designer dress and a string of pearls and you had the perfect wife to match the perfect professional husband. Inside, she was scared as hell.

How could he have lost everything in a card game?! She was raging inside, her temples pounded with the effort to remain composed in front of this woman. Tabby, she thought that was her name, was throwing her clothes to the floor, and she could have swore just tucked one of her linen skirts into her bra.

Phenton was a very wealthy man. Came from a wealthy man, more like it, and had provided Julia with a very comfortable life. He always got what he wanted at no expense to himself. They had a lavish home, a lavish life style, and took lavish vacations where he always left her to herself and he went off to gamble.

Two nights ago, he had presented her with the two passes he had won off a man playing poker to this remote resort. It was a 6 star resort in a 5 star world. You had to be extended an invitation to reserve a stay. Very expensive, very elite, and very discreet it was located on its own remote island in the Pacific. Every luxury was indulged down to each suite having its own personal servant.

They had arrived last night, and barely opened their suitcases when Phenton was lured downstairs to the bar for a poker game with some of the other guests. Their personal assistant had gone with him to serve drinks at the party.

Julia was somewhat relieved to see her go, even if it did leave her with unpacking their things. The woman was dressed in a very seductive French maid costume and had looked at Phenton in a way she did not like. More importantly, he had looked at the maid in a way Julie had liked even less. Julia had once been runner up for Miss Massachusetts, a fact she still was proud to express. Even if it had been 8 years ago, she still could fit into that swimsuit, and was still a sleek blonde bombshell.

They had not been here yet a full 24 hours, and now Julia sat at the end of her bed, in this elegant suite watching Madame Lou's assistant go through her clothes for appropriate attire. The screeching of the hangers stopped. Julia looked up to see Tabby smiling at her and holding up a pair of black stiletto heals. She dropped them in Julia's lap then went for the chest holding her undergarments. "Put these on," she barked at her then threw her the red evening dress she had brought for a special occasion. Tabby looked at her frightened face and smiled, "no panties."

Tabby then turned and left the room. Julia began to dress. She would be playing hostess at tonight's poker game. The same games that her husband had lost everything at the night before. Tonight was the only chance to win it all back. As Madame Lou had calmly put it to her over a ledger book in a delicate tea room while her large male associates took turns hitting her husband; the hotel could do the couple a favor and forgive all debts, return all losses, for the return of a few favors by Julia to the hotel as requested by Madame.

While Mr. A and Mr. B took turns bouncing her husband across the room, Julia shakily signed a contract agreeing to one night of service in the poker parlor for the return of Phenton's transgressions.

Now Julia was standing in front of the large mirror in her room calming her nerves. Her heels were laced up her ankles with their slinky strings, ridiculously high spikes for heels, and her long red dress, backless, with a halter style neck and a slit up the long skirt to her thigh on one leg. She smoothed the skirt, then touched her hair that she had pulled up with pins on top of her head. Tabby came back in, carrying a pair of scissors and a pair of long white gloves.

She handed the gloves to Julia telling her to put them on then rounded her to admire the dress. When Julia was pulling up the first glove, Tabby leaned down and cut a slit up the other side of the dress. This one high enough to expose her hip. Julia gasped while Tabby made the other slit match on the other side. Without another word, she grabbed her wrist and drug her from the room.

There were four men playing poker and one dealer in the room downstairs. One of the men Julia even recognized from Phenton's dinner parties, from the way he was looking at her, she knew he recognized her too.

Phenton was not there. He was in the room next door with A and B, watching to ensure that Julia upheld her bargain. If she didn't they would lose everything and the two gentlemen would finish what they started with her husband.

Madame Lou came in behind Julia and Tabby. She nodded at the gentlemen and sat down in the only empty chair. "Gentlemen it has been agreed. As requested for forgiveness for Mr. Crealey's debts to the four of you, his wife as consented to take responsibility for these debts. Madame Lou pulled out a tiny silver leash and attached it to the ring that circled under the table. She then placed a collar onto Julia's ankle, fastening her to the table with only enough chain to move around to the gentlemen at the table.

"For the evening, gentlemen," Madame walked out the door without looking back. "I trust you to follow discretion as is the policy of this hotel, Tabby will assist you with any further needs." The door was shut, bolted from the outside, then Julia breathed.

The men were looking at her. They eyed her up and down. The dealer cleared his throat and began to shuffle the cards. "Gentleman the winner of each hand gets the favor of our entertainment. We'll start to see who goes first."

Cards were dealt and Julia studied the men carefully. There was the man from the dinner parties, a tall tanned man, very athletic and a known playboy. He was easy on the eyes, and wouldn't be such a hardship to serve him. The next was an older gentleman wearing a cowboy hat. He had graying hair, lots of rings on his fingers and the small rounding of a middle aged indulged man's belly. The third was a dark man. He looked latin, and sat with a cigar in one hand, counting his cards carefully. He eyes Julia curiously. Lastly, was a loud laughing, man wearing an expensive suit and gold chain pouring himself a drink. He spoke with a Brooklyn accent, and had very large fists. His nose had been broken, and he leered when he smiled.

He watched her as he picked up his cards. He was dangerous, she decided. He smiled at her as if he had heard her thoughts. "Tabby," he barked out, "that look won't do"

Tabby smiled at the man, then pulled the scissors from her pocket. She reached up and cut the skirt off of the dress to high up Julia's thighs. The dress looked more like a tunic now with the slits up to the hips and the skirt barely covering her bare ass.

The skirt hit the floor, and then the chain on her ankle was being pulled. The loud man had won the first hand. The other gentlemen watched as he pulled her over to him while the dealer picked up the cards. He forced her to sit on the table, her bare ass cold against the wooden rail of the poker table. He looked up at her and reached for her breasts. They were large and strained at the halter-top that was holding them. His hands found her nipples and pulled at them through the material roughly.

Julia pulled back, then caught Mr. A. watching her from the door. She had to do anything these men asked or she would lose her husband and all of their belongings. She closed her eyes and let the man pull on her nipples some more.

He smiled at her acceptance of her fate. Cards were being dealt again. He reached for her neck and pulled her down to him. "On your knees," he told her as he pushed her down between his legs. He held her neck in a large grip around the throat. Then he stuck his thumb into her mouth, testing the softness of her lips.

"Let's see how good you are at head," he said outloud as he leaned back and thrust his crotch at her face. The other gentleman laughed as they watched Julia open the man's pants and remove his dick.

She wrapped her hand around the thick shaft, watching it swell and harden in her hand. She started stroking him with her hand guessing him to be around 7 inches. His friends laughed and tried to see what was going on under the table. Suddenly the big hands were on her head, pushing it towards his cock.

"Hell, not like that, like this, you stupid bitch," he pushed her face down to his dick, making her take him in his mouth. He held her head to him, as she gagged around his dick, when she relaxed he began moving her head with his hands. He scooted his chair up to the table, locking her in place with only her neck and head able to move up and down on his dick. He picked up his cards and began to play again.

Julia adjusted to his size and began sucking him in and out of her mouth. She had not had much experience with oral sex, and did not know what to expect. Given her squished place under the table she had no choice but to do what he had just forced her head to do, the movement of her head up and down, while sucking.

As she sucked him, she felt a foot against her ass cheek. Someone at the table was rubbing her ass with his foot. She stiffened, but could not get away from the invader.

The loud man she was sucking began to move his hips with her head. She heard him lay his cards down, "I think I need to fold on this one gentlemen." His cards hit the table, then he leaned back in his chair, pumping his hips against her face in earnest. His hands pulled down her hair, gripping the blonde waves and holding her until he was ready to cum. Julia fighting for air and being face fucked, was suddenly held hard against the strangers crotch as he exploded into the back of her throat.

Before she could catch a long breath, she felt the chain being pulled again. This time the older gentleman had won the hand. He pulled Julia to her feet and planted her on his lap for the next hand.

There his hand stroked her thigh while the other moved inside her halter-top for her breasts. One squeezed her nipple while the other slid between her legs to gauge her wetness. His hands were very knowing, and before Julia knew it, she was starting to get turned on. He held his cards in one hand, and used the other to finger her, two fingers moving in and out of her wet hole.

Julia found herself lying back against the man's chest, opening her legs for him to have better access. Her knees were on his knees, and when he spread his legs open, it opened hers as well. He continued to finger her, and shake his legs, making her bounce up and down on his lap, her ass rubbing his hardness as it shifted each time. His hand moved to her clit, rubbing it fast and very hard as he bounced her on his knees like a game of rocking horse. She found herself grinding against his hand; her head arched back almost knocking off the man's hat. To her surprise she found herself getting close to her own edge, with the friction being sent to her bottom by his shaking legs and fingers roughly rubbing her clit.

One cry left her lips then she found herself pressed into the felt table, bent over with her ass in the air. Not far behind, she felt a thick cock being fed into her wet pussy. The cowboy had pressed her into the table and was taking her from behind. Her ass bounced at each stroke he made. The dress she had been wearing was being cut off of her by the very happy Tabby as she was taking a pounding from the older gentleman. The pressure being put on her clit rubbing against the wooden rail was beginning to finish off the job the man had started, and she found herself ready to cum as he finished his last strokes from behind.

The man sensing this pulled out of her and spun her around to sit on the table once again. Her dress fell off, leaving them to stare at her naked form. She was now only wearing the gloves and her heals. "Get down," he said as he stroked himself the last few times. Just as she got to her knees, he began to cum. Smearing himself all over her chest.

At the sight of this, the other two gentlemen became too interested in her to finish playing their game. Cards left the table and she was being pulled up to the felt once again.

The tanned playboy removed his pants and sat down beside her. He pulled her astride him, making her ride him with her ass high in the air. Being so close to coming and then not being allowed had made her crazy. She rode this new man with a need to let go. He held her down at the waist, making her ass stick out high and her breasts bounce in his face. He began biting her nipples as she ground her hips in the air.

It felt so good, this handsome man biting at her fucking her that she didn't notice the Latin man behind her until she felt his lubricated cock sliding in against her ass cheeks. Before she knew it, he had forced himself into her ass, holding inside of her until he felt her give in the fucking her fast as she rode the man on the table.

Both holes were being fucked at one time and she loved the feeling. It was an overdrive to sexual sensation. The first gentleman came back around the table and pulled up her face again. Again she was forced onto his cock, sucking it as she two other men fucked her at the same time. She moaned against his cock, ramming into her mouth, and held onto his hips for support. She was close to coming and was so horny; she was hungry for anything.

The man under her began bucking his hips hard, he was building up. The man pounding her ass sensed this and sped up his rhythm as well. She moaned, her body preparing to climax, and the man in her mouth drove in deeper. The sensations were too much and she began to cry out over and over as she came.

The excited gentleman soon followed suit, coming one after another on her body. The one below on her stomach, the one from behind on her ass and the one in her mouth on her face.

They discarded her on the table when they were finished, leaving the dealer to help her clean up. The gentleman made jokes to each other, congratulating each on his conquest and making bets on who could do each thing the best.

Cards were being passed out again. Julia was sent under the table to suck off each gentleman as they played.

All night it went on. Cards would be played with Julia being passed around to the winner. One would come up with a clever idea, and then all would join in. After the third time that Julia was gang banged by the players trying new positions, she stopped counting. They left her before dawn, chained to the table, naked and aching from her night of being servant at the poker game. She had come more than once, and had been forced into some acts of lewdness that embarrassed her many times, including once with the only other female in the room. Even that had somehow turned her on. She came the hardest when Tabby had pulled her up onto her face.

Mr. A and B came out of the room with her husband. He looked happy, with his black eye. He knew his debts were repaid through his wife giving her body to his poker-playing friends. He hadn't cared, he had enjoyed watching them fuck his wife and come all over her pretty face.

Mr. A helped her up to her feet and put a robe around her body. He undid the chain and helped her stand. Phenton leered at her, dirtier than any of the men who had just enjoyed her. "Better than a credit card, boys, that's my own personal bitch."

Julia's eyes welled up with tears. It was the most hurtful thing. She walked over and slapped him, knowing that to him it was all a game that he didn't have to pay to play.

He laughed at her. "Let's go fellas, I'm starved."

Suddenly there was a loud thud. She looked up and saw Phenton face down on the poker felt. Mr. B was pinning his hands behind his back and holding him bent over the table. "We're not through sir, there was one more part requested by the gentleman that needs to be arranged."

Phenton glared at the large man. "They didn't think it was fair for your wife to pay all your debts for you. They wanted you to share in the same."

"What the fuck do you mean share the same?" Phenton shouted. His pants were being pulled down.

Julia was being picked up by Mr. A and taken out of the room. She watched over his shoulder as Phenton's pants were being pulled down to his ankles. The door shut, and she heard him scream and the table being shook in a steady hard rhythm. She found herself smiling and actually curling into the arms of the large gentleman holding her. "Do you feel all right, miss?" the man asked her in a deep voice.

Julia thought a moment. She could still hear Phenton if she listened hard enough. She thought about the question, "You know something? I think I feel just fine."

He hugged her body in his arms. He was carrying her like a baby in his arms, he was so large, she felt like one. "Madame would like to speak to you, Ms. Julia. She has a business proposition she thought you might like after this evening's performance."

Julia let the rocking motion of being carried lull her. She smiled to herself, "You know, I think that I just might."

Allow me to clarify

There seems to be a fair amount of confusion surrounding my Christmas Card offer. Let me take this chance to clarify the misunderstanding. If you so choose, you can email me your address, either home or work, and I will mail you a Christmas card through the US Postal Service. Not email. Savvy?

Of course, there are many of you that will choose not to do this due to privacy issues. I completely understand, and would probably feel the same way. No hard feelings. :)

As I've said before, I've done this through a few other blogs and have gotten a huge response with people really latching on to the idea. Its nothing terribly special, really. Just a Christmas card, from me to you. It won't be lewd, or x-rated (sorry guys), just a normal Christmas card that you can add to your collection. Totally wife/husband/young children safe.

I hope this clears everything up. And if you are still interested in receiving a card from me, feel free to email me your home/work address at goodwife@gmail.com and I'll be happy to add you to my ever growing list.

Cheers, loves!
xoxo

A young man was wandering, lost, in a forest when he came upon a small house. Knocking on the door he was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, gray beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."

"OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear and, near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the line that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."
***************************************************************

65-year old mailman decided it was time to retire. When the small commmunity he worked for found out, they decided they should do something nice for him, since he'd served them for the past 45 years.

So, the last day on the job, the mailman went up to the first house, and the homeowner welcomed him in. They gave him a pile of presents to thank him for all his hard work.

At the next house they gave him a cheque for 100 dollars, and the 3rd house, a cheque for 200 dollars.

At the fourth house, a blonde lady answered. She was wearing silk pajamas, and was motioning him to follow her upstairs. the mailman had the best sex of his entire life, and when they were done, he went downstairs. On the table was a huge breakfast, with waffles, eggs, pancakes, the whole deal, and a cup of coffee with a 5 dollar bill underneath.

The mailman was curious, so he said to the lady, "I've had the best day of my entire life, everyone has been so nice to me, but I have to ask, what's the 5 dollar bill for?"

The lady replied, "I asked my husband what we should do for you and he said 'fuck him, give him five bucks', but breakfast was my idea."
******************************************************************

A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's a little too well-endowed. In fact, it's 25 inches long and he can't get any women to have sex with him.

Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but recommends a witch doctor that he thinks might be able to help.

The witch doctor takes a look at the problem and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. "Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter."

Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest. He finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Frog, will you marry me?"

The frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No."

The guy looks down and sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great he thinks -- let's try that again. "Will you marry me?"

The frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, "No!"

Zappo! -- the guy's down to 15 inches. Well, that's still a bit excessive, he thinks. Down another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again, "Frog, will you marry me?"

The irritated frog yells back, "Look..how many times do I have to tell you? No, No, NO!"
*************************************************************

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on." She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said. "That's right!!" said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to be until you change your attitude."
************************************************************************

Pain in the butt

Yesterday was spent doing more work than I care to think about. Most of my day was labored away outside, where I power washed the patio, deck and house. Fine and dandy, except that the dog was playing in the mud and created a nice slick spot on the bottom of the deck steps, which me, being the graceful swan that I am, quickly stepped in and fell. Hard.

In a desperate attempt to catch myself from falling, I scraped away a good amount of skin from my left arm, which still burns as I type this. Today, the scrapes have developed into blue and purple bruises, arranged in such a way that it looks as if Rick beat me. My mother would be appalled.

I have a four inch perfect outline of the step edge, tattooed on my ass with hues of blues, purples and even some fuschias shadowed with the faintest hint of yellow. It feels as good as it sounds.

Hurt perhaps most of all, may have been my pride, should my husband had decided to have been outside helping me, but alas, he was not and so spared my tender ego. Thank God for that. I can rest easy, knowing no one saw my graceful plummet, or heard my pained squeak.

Well, except for the dog.

My bottom is protesting the office chair in which I sit, so I'm off to find an ice pack.

Eh, why not? This is a quick sketch I did while waiting in the pediatrician's office for the doctor to come in. I have a funny, selective photographic memory, and remembered this fairy from a Brian Froud fairy book. Mind you, I had only seen the image once, and very briefly, and the entire sketch, shading and all was done in less than ten minutes. Not too terrible a likeness. 

Season's Greetings

I know its early to be talking about Christmas, less than a week after Halloween, but I'm a planner, so what can I say? ;) Anyway, for those who are interested, email me your address at goodwife@gmail.com and I'll add you to my Christmas card list this year. I've done this on a few of my other blogs with huge response, so why not offer it here? I'll put a reminder post up about once a week throughout the month, with the deadline being December 1st. Hope to hear from you!

xoxo

A Bug's Life

There is a brilliant short fiction story in the November issue of Playboy this month titled, 'St Mark's Day' by Rod Liddle. I was thoroughly engaged and amused by it. If you've read it, tell me what you think. If not, then go read it and tell me what you think! :)

Tell me true....

After a medical examination, your doctor calls and gravely says you have a rare lymphanic cancer and only a few months to live. Five days later, she informs you that the lab tests were mislabeled; you are perfectly healthy. Forced for a moment to look death in the face, you have been allowed to turn and go on. During those difficult days, you would have certainly gained some insights about yourself. Do you think they would be worth the pain?

Extreme Makeover

Take a look at me now! :) I was getting tired of seeing my blog template every time I hit the 'Next Blog' button, and I felt like my page could be more. Mia and Ro over at Ciao! My Bella! did a complete overhaul for me, and the results are, if I don't say so myself, marvelous!

These girls are wonderful, working mommies trying to earn a little extra money for their children. Their prices are very reasonable, and they aim to please. Go give them some business!

xoxo

Hump Day!

Room Girls

She could hear his heavy breathing from the other side of the room. It was a hissing noise backdropped by the sound of his belt being removed. She could feel his eyes on her. He was staring at her upturned ass as she knelt on all fours her face and arms pressed lower onto the bed in a submissive pose as he had requested. Her legs were spread open, she was wearing the highest flimsiest pair of heels she had ever seen, the short silk robe she had been given was barely hanging to her rounded ass, the rest pushing up around her head. Her red thong shining against her milky skin. For the millionth time she asked herself what she was doing there.

She had lost her job a month ago. Hadn’t been able to find work anywhere. Her rent was due, the phone had been cut off, and the lights would go next week if she couldn’t pay. A friend of a friend had a quick solution to her problem. She was desperate enough to listen. The quick fix of a deal sounded too good to pass down. Besides at this point she had not much of an alternative if she wanted to keep her home.

There was this hotel, this acquaintance had explained to her one night at a local club, very elite hotel that had a very secretive business. Persons checking in to a certain floor of rooms or suites had a special amenity in their room. A personal assistant, a room servant that stayed in the room with the guest to serve the guest in any way that was requested. On paper it sounded like temporary secretaries for the person on the go. In the reality that was looking at Alice from across the small bar table wearing a designer dress and a large diamond stud in her nose it wasn’t typing that was getting the extra room fees.

They were called room girls. They lived there from what Alice understood. Guests to the hotel checked into these rooms to have the pleasure of their company. Noel, this acquaintance, was one of these girls. She offered to introduce Alice to the owner and let her take her place that night in her room.

Alice enjoyed sex, but had never dreamed of sex for money. The closest she had ever gotten was when she had had too many martinis at a bachelorette party and ended up topless table dancing at the bachelor party in the other party room on a dare. She didn’t remember too much of it, and what she did she blushed to think about. Just one time, she’d use protection, he would have protection it was hotel policy.

So when the lights were cut off that morning, she had called Noel and feebly agreed. She was given an advance on her salary to secure her apartment and utilities which made her more obligated, and more scared.

This hotel guest was new to the floor. He was an older gentleman, looked to be in his late fifties. He was overweight, his belly bulged at the bottom buttons of his shirt, but he wasn’t rounded around as she had seen other men his age. His hair was graying and sparse on the top. Noel had told her about him from his registration. Told her he would be a good choice for her because he’d most likely fall asleep after he got off and she could be left in relative peace.

Thinking on what she had said as she waited to feel his weight on the bed, he did seem too excited to last very long. She hadn’t known what to expect, but he seemed odd. As soon as he had entered the room he had made her stand in the middle of the room. When he had finished putting away his things, he told her to get on all fours on the bed with her face pressed into the bed. He hadn’t wanted her to look at him.

The zipper and then a swish as his pants, change in pocket hit the floor. Alice swallowed hard. She was scared but excited at the same time. Not seeing him, knowing he was in control and a stranger was making her very sensitive….damn if she couldn’t feel herself a little excited.

She felt him moving towards the bed. His hands grabbed her thighs and opened them wider making her open more, almost lying on the bed. His breathing heavy when his hands moved to cup her round ass, fingers kneading the skin spreading her cheeks apart then pressing them together again. His thumb rubbing under her thong, sliding up the crack of her ass then moving none gently to her sex. She felt his short fat finger push into her. She was not wet and his calloused finger felt rough and was not placed inside of her gently. The gentleman grunted then thrust two meaty fingers inside of her. Jamming them in rough and fast. It hurt but she didn’t dare cry out.

He held them inside her moving like he was making a V. To her surprise, she felt her body adjust to the invasion and wetness ran down to his finger. The breathing became an excited wheeze. The bed dipped with his added weight’s first joining. He deftly threw her robe up over her head revealing the catch on her red lace bra. He reached down and pulled her panties to one side, holding her pussy lips open to one side. With a hand pressing her face into the bedspread, he pushed inside.

He was large. Larger than she was used to having. It wasn’t length but the width of his penis that took her by surprise. He pushed himself inside her with no kind words or touches. He hadn’t spoken a word to her accept to give direct commands. Alice felt like a piece of furniture or an animal the way he was using her.

His dick was halfway in her, it’s width was splitting her and she was not wet enough for a smooth slide. He pulled on her bra straps, drawing her shoulders up from the bed. In a quick moment, he gripped her breasts in firm hard grips and grunted loudly when he drove in her all the way.

Alice let out a sharp “Ooh,” as he used her large breasts as handles to ram her body back onto his own. His thrusts were angry thrusts, ramming and calculated to be hard. His fingers pulled her breasts out of her bra and began squeezing her nipples in tight pinches. Alice locked her feet onto the edge of the bed to keep from sliding as he forced himself harder into her. The robe over her head making her face hot and blocking any chance of viewing their encounter.

The jarring her body was taking from his rough strokes was making her body become aroused. Alice had always had fantasies of rough sex. Something about being taken so uncaringly made her aroused even more. She buried her face into the bed to cover up the noises she wanted to make and her embarassment at the same time.

She felt him pulling back and pulling at the robe on her head. “Get up,” he ordered her as he pulled back from the bed “Take it off, all of it.”

He sat down in one of the leather chairs in the room beside a small table. He still had on his white undershirt. He was naked from the waist down, sitting spread open in the chair watching her.

“Bend over, touch the bed,” he told her as her foot touched the ground from the last shoe being removed.

Immediately he was back against her backside his cock in hand the other hand forcing her to bend face into the bed. Inside he thrust again, standing behind her fucking her hard.

Every thrust she could feel pushing against everything inside. He had her bent to were her ass was raised high, thrusting so hard and fast she had to stand on tiptoe to hold the pose.

He began working into a fast steady rhythm. His hand moving to slap her firm ass as he thrust. He grunted approval as the flesh bounced against his hand and hit her again. Spanking her rear as he fucked her from behind.

Alice heard him begin to moan, his spanking her and the possession he was bending her in seemed to be driving him over the edge. She was focusing so hard on keeping standing and the new sensation from being spanked that the sounds of his coming release were almost unnoticed.

Suddenly she felt the bulk of him bent over her own body. He pulled her hair back harshly in his fist and bit her neck as he started his last hard slow thrust. “You’re a good fuck, bitch” he hissed as he moved his hips in circles bouncing her ass against the bed, her elbows burning from the friction and weight placed on them. “A good little fuck, yes…” he began chanting this, his teeth clenched as he began to build up. Two long grunts and a thrust hard enough that it sent Alice off the floor onto the bed, her gentleman collapsing ontop of her and still thrusting as he came spasming over and over.

He rolled off of her and removed the used condom, tossing it to the floor. He was sweating and panting heavily. Alice looked over at him from the bed. Her legs and arms shaking from hold up under the hard fuck. Her body tingling with nerves from being aroused and left unsatisfied.

The man looked over at her, and grabbed a fist full of hair pulling her up to his stomach. “Lick it off,” he thrust her head towards his penis.

Alice opened her mouth to say no and found her throat trying to adjust to him. He pushed her head onto him and held it there with him at her throat. “I said lick.”

Alice tongued him clean of his juices. His fists in her hair holding her there until he was satisfied with her job. She felt him growing hard again. She silently cursed Noel for her idea that his man would be asleep quickly.

“Turn around and sit on my face,” he let go of her hair and moved down on the bed.

Alice did as she was told. Turning her back to him again and moving to straddle his face. He grabbed her ass cheeks and pulled her down to his mouth. “Now suck me,” he dove fast into her throbbing pussy. His nose splitting her lips, his tongue finding her clit and licking it until exposed to his lips. He began to suck on it like a bottle.

The feeling was intense and raw. Alice felt herself giving in and plunging him into the back of her throat in retaliation. The feelings he was giving her with his mouth were harsh and erotic at the same time. She began sucking him in the same way earning her more sucking of her own clit and fingers probing at her ass.

On and on they went, giving each other as much as they got, he holding a tight suction onto her clit while she licked and sucked his large cock. His hips pushing into her face, and his arms holding her wet pussy to his own as they developed a rhythm.

All too soon, Alice felt a sharp intense heat uncoil in her belly. The firm insistant sucking her clit was getting was too much. She began working her hips onto his face, her own head bobbing up and down more as she released.

She moaned on his cock, taking it in deeper as her own pleasure took control. In response, his cock began twitching and swelling in her throat. Her legs shook around his head as he continued the hard sucking while she was climaxed. The sensation becoming almost painful as she came down from the intense release.

Suddenly he flipped her onto her back, freeing them of each other. He pulled her hair until she was lying at his side turned the same way. Then he finished off by straddling her face and fucking her full lips as hard as he had her pussy earlier. Gripping the headboard and pounding into her face the last final strokes until he came.

Alice swallowed him automatically, the scent in her nose and her recent release making her lusty and out of control. After slapping his slack penis against her cheek he rolled over and as Noel promised, went to sleep.

Alice lay beside him, recovering from the experience. It had been degrading. She had let an unknown man use her body for money. Wetness trickling against her thigh reminding her that she had even liked something about it. Her body ached and felt raw in her sensitive places. A bath would be good.

She moved to get off the bed, when the man rolled over and grabbed her wrist. An arm went around her waist pulling her up to him. He took his hand and slid a finger inside her aching pussy. Two fingers went inside, flexed and held her in place. His face rested against hers and he began to snore. His penis pressed against her ass, slack but stirring.Alice blinked in disbelief. It was going to be a long night.

Breastfeeding daddies

There was an article recently in the Playboy advisor talking about male lactation, as well as a hint to it on a recent episode of ER. Apparently, men are capable of producing milk for their children. My first thought on this was typical. I was shocked and a bit queasy. I would never dream of asking Rick to do such an unnatural thing. But is it really unnatural? Surely the body wouldn't be capable of such a thing if it were unnatural. I'm always amazed at what the human body is capable of. I tend not to think that there will be any new exclusively male chaptors of the La Leche League opening any time soon.

And the most annoying pick up line is.....

We went to a costume party on Saturday. This year we chose not to do the predictable 'couple' get ups, but rather chose our own garb and surprised each other. Rick was a pirate, a hot one I may add :), and I was a sort of wood nymph- you know, like a fairy. So anyway, all night I was given an interesting array of pick up lines, ranging from the pathetic to the unique. (Note that it was the few times when I was not by Rick's side that I was hit on, and of course it was by people we didn't know, not our close friends)

The most common line, the one that by the end of the night had me rolling my eyes the most, was a variation of this: "Do I get three wishes for you to grant? Because I can think of just one that would make us both happy."

I was not carrying a wand of any sort, nor did I in any way resemble a genie. But nearly every man I saw thought I had three wishes to grant. Wishful thinking, I suppose. I did, however, grant a pirate's wishes....